It's easy to get trapped in the intense emotions of those moments, and I'm sorry you're feeling that way. Try to distance yourself from the event as much as you can (don't take your work home, do something you enjoy after work, take a de-stressing nap, etc.) I've been in various support positions for over 10 years at this point, and you eventually start to get a thick skin for the irrational jerks out there, but here are some methods you can use to reframe things when it feels like too much:
- Think about the relative importance of the task at hand. So many things we get bogged down with in our day to day work is practically meaningless in the grand scheme of things. "We're not saving lives." is a phrase I hear quite a bit, so unless you actually are, it might help to think of how ridiculous it is for the person on the other end to get worked up over something not going as planned.
- Consider your worth as an individual in that moment. Just because your job is to help others doesn't mean it's not their job to treat you like a fellow human. I've had several managers over the years that have really stepped up in situations that escalated past the point of reason. Those moments helped me realize I should be advocating for myself more.
- Remember you're not responsible for other peoples' reactions. I have seen people start fuming over the most basic of obstacles, while others have approached fairly large problems with a completely calm, collected demeanor. Even if you were at fault for something that got messed up, an explosive reaction from the other side just exposes the type of person they are. It's not about you or your competence!
Hang in there, and I hope some of this helps
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whenever i find myself in these situations i remind myself that we are all subject to the same cycles of suffering, the same grasping and the same resistance to change. i can recall many times where i have been an annoyance or a negative person and it's usually due to an internal problem that i'm dealing with. i like to give people the benefit of the doubt and remember that their behavior is likely a result of their own suffering.... always reminding myself that the negativity of others is not mine to carry. i think that the western way of thinking (huge emphasis on self-centeredness, individuality, seeking for power) allows us to slip into this headspace, where you are upset with others for not doing things the way you would or simply doing things that disrupt our own activities, very easily. it's not necessarily your fault but more so how we've been conditioned... practicing compassion seems easy in theory but can be very hard in practice sometimes. providing yourself with gentle reminders about the truths of our silly little existence is the best way to counteract the irritation you feel at times. remind yourself that we are just little animals and that these feelings are just weather and it will pass.
Jan 29, 2025
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It’s a skill that only gets less scary with practice. Do it with people you won’t ever see again, and do small things! As you get more confident then you can level up to bigger conflict. Like, it’s really amazing how much things aren’t that big of a deal. Anxiety makes it seem to us like we’re unsafe for stating our needs.
My journey was one that included a lot of therapy, which if you look at my stuff I recommend a lot. I was always very willing and able to stand up for others, but not myself, so I did a lot of questioning “if this was someone else, would I be okay with it?” and imagining that I was standing up for younger me. Often times over the top people pleasing was a survival tool that was needed, but isn’t any more.
Also… realize you don’t have to be a bitch. Asking for respect and your needs to be met isn’t bitchy. Does that mindset stop you from standing up for yourself? Conflict can be very simple, straightforward, and respectful. If someone goes off on you, that’s their issue. And that’s something that helped me a lot too- other people’s reactions weren’t entirely because of me. If someone reacted poorly, I could also draw boundaries with how I’m being treated. Pretty cool. Makes me feel like I can handle anything.
Lastly, I worked as a caseworker with DCFS for a few years and that really helped me in the long run. I had to work with and try to help people that hated me, and I learned a lot. While I don’t recommend anyone work for DCFS bc it’s a shit system, being forced to experience conflict so much did the trick.
Jul 22, 2024
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a lot of the time we become so upset, sad, or disappointed in a person or situation that we don’t realize that we’re making it worse, for ourselves at least, by reacting in anger or gloom or resentment. these days, i often tend to ask myself if something is worth stressing over and then take it from there. if it is, i can evaluate my feelings accordingly and if its not, i can then focus on myself and direct my energy towards something that makes me feel good. that’s how i interpret “protect your peace”
Jan 29, 2025
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The perfect lil snack for when you don’t want a big snack
Apr 3, 2024
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We're long overdue in thrusting "What do you do?" into the sea forever. It's time we collectively get down to what people are interested in instead of minimizing their vibrant existence by asking how they make money.
Mar 22, 2024