🍀
i brought in a cat off my street at 3 am one night a few weeks back. bathed her, fed her, took her to the vet. she’s my best friend right now. we spend most of our time cuddling, and, even though she gave me ringworm on my face, i cannot stop kissing her. i named her mazzy, and i swear, she speaks english. i love her with all the love i dont have anyone to give. and i love her with all the love she stirs when i wake up to her in my arms. i hope you know that, toots!
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I adopted my cat almost 3 years ago after going my whole life thinking I wasn’t a cat person. After watching my dear friends take care of their dorm cat (Beef!) I fell in love. I never quite understood cats- I always saw them through my child eyes as being elusive and standoffish. After solidifying my friendship with Beef I realized how strong the bond between cat and (wo)man can be- because it’s earned. My precious Duchess was the crustiest cat at the shelter but when she opened her big sapphire eyes I knew we were a destined pair. Duchess has sat with me through two heartbreaks, the hardest year of my life, multiple moves, long car rides, and many, many, sleepless nights. To say she’s my best friend isn’t totally correct- I feel she is truly a part of the fabric of my being. She has helped me trust myself to care for another living being, loved me on my most rotten days, and cuddled me when I’m sad (even though she pretends she hates it). I never knew such a small creature could change my entire world. On the loneliest days she licks my hand with her scratchy tongue and lays her head on my legs and I suddenly the darkness isn’t so dark. Thank you Duchess, my sweet girl, my forever love.
Feb 6, 2025
🐈
i get to hang out with her all the time and we don’t even have to speak we can just communicate through body language
i have attached a photo of my sweet precious angel
Apr 2, 2024
This is my cat Figgy. i love her so much. i am so lucky to have such a sweet, vibrant, silly, mysterious kitty in my life. currently resting on my pillow with my head against her. she always stays near me when i don’t feel well. she loves music. her favorite songs are My Heart Will Go On and Creep. never met anyone like her. truly my pride and joy, my best accomplishment in adulthood was raising her <3
Feb 27, 2024
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this might be weird, because it seems everyone on this app is incredibly well adjusted, if not just a little odd. i am coming off (i hope) of an almost three week depressive episode, during which i have not run (longest period in two years), watched excessive amounts of (shitty) netflix, and eaten so poorly that i no longer crave vegetables or fruits (this is the most disappointing and surprising). every single thought that i’ve had during this time has been about how it is entirely impossible for me to get out of bed, and that i will never be myself again. i’ve gained an impressive amount of weight, so much so that i hope to god i’m just being overly critical of myself. my skin has dried out, my floors are dusty, and i have more laundry to do than i feel is humanly possible. these past few weeks, my brain has been a miserable place to be.
but today, i got up. i went to learn how to make couscous at a friend’s house, watched as she manned the burners with cartoonish dexterity. hot water rippled into pots, spices flashed in the air, fresh vegetables perfumed the kitchen. we cooked, ate, and hung out with her family until i had to go home and clean for a friend coming in from out of town. it was lovely and cloudy on the walk home. i always miss the sky when i bedrot, and try to at least make it to my roof for sunset and stick my head out the window for sunrise. when i got home, i sat for a little while holding my cat before working. does anyone else do this to try and regulate their mood? i then washed dishes, fixed my broken washing machine, and scrubbed floors until the friend arrived. it’s nice to have a clean house. everyone knows it, so how is it so bloody hard to keep up?
tonight, i went for a walk. i wanted to run, but didn’t intend or expect to get far. i put on a quick one before the eternal worm devours connecticut on repeat. starting slow, feeling the cold. frosty air fogged my glasses. after half a mile, endorphines began to flood my mind. things seemed possible. i could keep running, and, by extension, i could get myself out of this bedrotting cycle. i just kept running, slowly. a mile. keep going. slowly. i usually turn around at 1.5 to make a rough 5k, but i hit 1.75 and wanted to keep on. it was 2 before i decided to turn around. don’t stop. keep going. feel the cold. feel the sweat in your hands, think about the fog that has settled over the town and it’s ugly white lights. i just kept going, trying to push myself to each next landmark. i ended up doing four miles without stopping, something not unheard of, but certainly an achievement for me.
i understand that this might seem stupid and indulgent. but i just want it to be here. i need to mark it down, write it out, prove that i can get better. i can pull myself out of these doldrums. and anyone can. it’s trite and its true. dishes, laundry, and taxes never end, but we do them because we have to. because it’s pleasant to have clean hair and sunlight on your skin. brushed teeth and charged batteries. these responsibilities also help make us feel good. i know this period of inactivity and neglect is not going to be easy to move past, but i will. because i want to feel good. so, even though it seems stupid sometimes, i am going to go on a run tomorrow. i will wash my face and eat some protein. one day at a time, i will get better. my dms are open for anyone struggling or anyone who just wants to talk ❤️🔥
Oct 25, 2024
don’t know if everyone has heard of this and it’s very old news and i should be ashamed. but i found it about ten years ago, and it still my heart. it’s just an anthology of niche emotional experiences from this artist who grew up in switzerland. he collected his made-up terms into a dictionary and published it. it sparked the deepest sense of fancifulness in my preteen heart. i’ve carried certain terms with me to this day, and often return to peruse the words i love so much. one of my proudest moments was, after sharing it with a friend, sending him some of my own inspired by it. he thought they were real words and definitions from it, and i was Very pleased. it’s just fun and cool and neat. be careful to not be in a very longing mood when you go through it.
Sep 29, 2024
🧑
it’s weird, but my mom has told me about this senior bingo night that she’s started going to. she looks forward to it and tells me how fun it is to hang out with them. i feel like joining a chess club or knitting circle or fucking bridge group would have been so fun as a younger person. it doesn’t really matter the age of the people as long as you’re embraced and cherished in some way. is there any forum for you to look for local clubs? also the gym. also volunteering???? it’s actually the best kept secret that folks who volunteer are compulsorily interesting. but western society is so individualist, i understand entirely that it can feel like beside school, there’s no place for you in the world. i truly hope you find somewhere that people appreciate your presence.
Sep 28, 2024