this may not be in any way applicable to your situations:
what if you were to reply letting them know you got the message, you want to connect, but texting just isn't working for you — and instead could they Facetime or do a phone call or something realtime?
When I send you a text message or a whatsapp or signal or one of the many others then I am essentially giving you homework/an assignment. I put something in your inbox—on your to do list. Now you have to deal with this thing. My message, or insane flurry of messages, is going to sit there taunting and shaming you.
I've been part of so many group messaging threads and they can just become so way too much to point I can't even engage in that medium.
So I love the idea of communicating in a way that doesn't put a burden of response on someone—because it is happening in realtime. Instant messaging can be exhausting whereas a phone call or video chat can be life-giving. And when it is over, then it is over.
Oct 19, 2024
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i am flattered that my friends want to talk to me, but it’s a stimulation overload. like, my attention is being demanded at any time of the day without consent. the messages pile up, people sending me memes or check up messages or trying to organise events on group chats or even just asking when i am free to hang out. and it happens all at once, from all different people. my time feels obligated to someone else because i have to make time to reply or find time to see that person.
i leave people on delivered for days because i don’t have the stamina to engage in conversation that was basically demanded out of me during my day. i love my friends, but text messaging has allowed people to infiltrate your personal time at any point of the day, removing time away from yourself and worrying about when to reply or what to say back.
it’s a lot, and im overwhelmed by it. sometimes, it makes me just want to fall off the grid.
Jan 27, 2025
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I’ve been the worst at texting throughout my entire life and even still part of me resents the idea that I should be available for constant communication (but I tell her to shut up because I do actually enjoy connecting with my friends all of whom live far away).
I had a new friend who would text me constantly and at first I thought it was annoying but eventually I got used to it (then I went back to thinking it was really annoying but that was a her being annoying problem). I became really good at texting back and now I’m the person who assaults my friends who tell me they want to get better at texting with regular text messages.
I stopped interacting with my friends as much through our weird obscure social media app and started just texting them directly. When I think about someone or if there’s something I think they need to hear from me I text them! I’m also in a very high-volume group chat with two of my best friends. It’s something that I think only gets better with constant practice and action and intention!
I also think it’s worth just setting clear boundaries around text communication that sometimes or even oftentimes you are not going to respond right away. People know that I’m pretty busy and I’ll talk to them when I have time. And I make good use of heart/thumbs up/exclamation point reacts to show that I’m paying attention without replying ASAP. And try schedule sending texts if you don’t want to text right away and have to deal with more replies lol!
Also sometimes if I don’t feel like typing I send my friends voice messages and we often end up in a chain of voice messages from there like role playing executives and employees at a factory in the Deep South that explodes and devastates the town and then being the newscasters covering the story and then being waitresses and patrons at Merlotte’s from True Blood gossiping about it. Or whatever.
Oct 19, 2024
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Earlier today, before reading this ask, I had been journaling about how to manage this in my own life.
There's a real power in unbroken flow, deep work, and space to think and abide. But in a flash it can be undermined by the "interrupt me" device in my pocket.
Texting and messaging people whenever we feel like it is normal behavior. Probably it should not be normal behavior, but that's where we've found ourselves. So if I want something different, then the responsibility is on me to hold space for it.
I don't have the tech rules in place yet, but I do like the idea of having one window of 30-60 minutes daily, or maybe a morning window and evening window, when I respond to instant messages. Over time, the folks in my life will understand that if it is urgent they should call me.
Nov 20, 2024
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this is worthy of celebration: the lack of video—autoplay video, noisy inane video, panicky video, algorithmic, dumb video, rabbit hole video, any video—on pi.fyi is a good thing
Oct 5, 2024
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this is going to hurt — A LOT — but it's getting to the point where there's no other option
2d ago
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one of my 2025 habit goals
alone or with others, it is the best
Jan 21, 2025