It really cheeses me off when people think they know what others are thinking or what makes them tick or what their motivations are for something.
Recently heard someone say, "Oh the whole reason 'Brad' did good at [this thing] is because he got social validation from his success."
And I said, "Oh really, did Brad tell you that?"
And of course the answer was no, Brad never said that. It was just a great big assumption about Brad's motives—and a negative assumption at that.
You contain multitudes. I contain multitudes. We contain multitudes.
We are right now the living, breathing, growing sum of a trillion different factors. It is far more interesting and fulfilling to be curious and ask and be surprised than to project our narrow, limited assumptions on others.
(apparently this is a bit of a theme for me today since I already posted about it in another form)
And if you find yourself mind reading and assuming and putting others in a box, then you know what, no worries! Me too sometimes. But let's not stay there.
Oct 19, 2024
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THIS IS SO FKING REAL !! at my old (and pretty toxic) workplace, this was a constant gripe i had about my manager. she would always act like she knew us so well, saying stuff like, ‘oh i didnt realise xyz about u’ or ‘im surprised you said xyz’. it was just infuriating that she would say things like that and act like she was so above us (because she basically nepo baby-ed her way into her position)
Related Recs
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Two days ago while in a daunting line at an airport, I heard one silver-haired man say to another about Hurricane Helene that just devastated parts of the US:
"When the hurricane came off the gulf it hadn't picked up any water, but somehow it rained over sixteen inches."
"You know they can control the weather now. You've never heard of weather manipulation?"
"Their target was Spruce Pine in North Carolina. Every single computer chip in the world has a crystal that comes from there."
"They are trying to control things politically because of the election."
"You heard about what they did with the wildfires in Hawaii using the lasers from space?"
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Okay, confession: my first impulse is that I wanted to text someone or post somewhere about the wacky conversation I'd just overheard: about how people are so gullible or, more generously, isn't it crazy how we can so easily find ourselves in these narrow algorithmic internet bubbles that keep us in a perpetual rabbit hole reality.
But instead, I remained curious. Not necessarily curious about the content of what this guy was saying, though it turns out that some of his facts may have been on target, even if his conclusions seem way off base—the thing about chip manufacturing and Spruce Pine, for instance, was widely reported.
But I held curiosity instead about him as a person and about me and about all of us.
I wondered: how did he get there with these beliefs? Has it impacted his life and relationships? What are holiday conversations like for his family?
And what about me: surely there are absolute certainties that I'm believing right now that may turn out later to have been wrong — am I holding those in a way now that invites feedback and conversation or am I doubling down and become narrower and less approachable?
And also about all of us: we are all wrong about some things. If we weren't, there'd never be any space for learning and growth. So knowing that, about me and about you, how can we live in a way that both honors our current state while keeping a posture of teachability?
Oct 8, 2024
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I am able to see everything as multifaceted. I know there are more than two sides to the same coin, and I believe things shouldn’t be approached as they appear.
being able to recognize this has made me a more understanding person. I’m still a hater to my core, and I still make snap judgements about people cutting me off in traffic or being rude to me in the grocery store and the like, but as someone who works in customer service, it has helped me not take everything so personally. Someone snapping at me, or asking a lot of questions that may seem obvious isn’t necessarily a pock on their character. Someone may be having a bad day, or is really tired, or high, or just hasn’t been here and they are overwhelmed because everything is new and different. I am also able to avoid spiraling about my personal relationships because it really is not about me all the time. And even if/when it is about me, it most likely not malicious. A lot of people have anxieties they don’t recognize actively, but they still act on them. And that is okay. We are all people, we all fuck up, and we all keep living.
Mar 6, 2025
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Remember that, smart alecks!
Some more of my core guiding principles around this idea:
Truth and fact are two sides of the same coin.
They are interconnected but not interchangeable.
On a similar note:
Truth is complex and often paradoxical.
If you think you can lay it out in black and white terms, sorry bud – you don’t have a handle on it. The capacity to hold space for seemingly conflicting ideas is essential. That means letting go of the idea that your truth is the truth.
Critique something/someone only from a place of understanding
^ did a whole rec on this. To add to it: if you spend a lot of time criticizing those who you disagree with, whose benefit is it for? Mainly it’s a signifier to those who you do agree with that you’re part of the same in-group. That’s fine and it has its place, but constructively challenging the views and behaviors of those within your own community (including yourself!) is much more valuable.
And on that note:
Understanding ≠ condoning
Most people skip the work of trying to truly understand because they’re afraid they’ll seem complicit. Say someone commits a violent crime. Trying to understand the familial, socioeconomic, and systemic circumstances that factored in – developing empathy for this person – does not mean you condone the behavior or that you care any less for the victim of their crime. You are not doing any good to the cause of peace of justice or whatever you claim to stand for by refusing to understand people (however fucked up and misguided they may be).
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Ok that’s long enough, maybe I’ll drop some fun ones in another post lol bye
Jul 17, 2024
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