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Love is so often mistaken for possession and enmeshment. I am yours. You are mine. Two souls, one body. No clear distinction between where one person begins and the other ends. But this isnāt love as I have come to know it. Love is about caring for someone, not only for their sameness, but their differences as well. Itās supporting them when they move closer to you and when their happiness requires they take steps away. Itās a dance of moving apart and coming back together, trusting your partner enough to let go of their hand with the faith that theyāll return.
Thatās what love is to me. It is about supporting the whole of another and what is good for them, not just the parts of them that overlap with you and your needs. Itās not transactional, where their purpose is to fulfill all of your needs and ācompleteā you. A relationship is a collaborative effort: a joint, creative project of countless possibilities.
For the last several years, Iāve practiced relationship anarchy. RA is often associated with ethical non-monogamy but it's more than a dating style. It's a philosophy that seeks to understand and challenge many of the power dynamics at play in our interpersonal relationships. Yes, it is about how we relate to our lovers, but also our friends, our animal companions, the environment, and even ourselves.
Personally, RA has transformed much of my life. It's strengthened my relationship with my partner, it's deepened my friendships - including those with my animal friends - and helped me appreciate the value of community. I donāt expect everyone to align with RA, but I do recommend learning to love others as whole people and not merely as objects to project your deepest desires and fears on to.
Nov 24, 2024
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Sometimes I get caught up chasing ideals of love. Growing up with immigrant parents in the US, I wished my parents showed me love the way my friends' parents did. My parents seemed cold in comparison to the affection I saw my friends receiving. I fell for best friends who did love me but never enough and never in the ways I wanted them to.
Nowadays I have grown to appreciate the ways in which my parents do show me love -- when they ask if I've eaten or when I dye my mom's hair as she peels me oranges. Friendship to me no longer needs to be tied up in such rigid binaries. It's not the label of a relationship I'm after but rather just the intimacy of knowing other people. I try not to focus so much on how I wish to be loved by other people and instead pay attention to all the different ways I am loved. Acting with a mindset of abundance rather than scarcity. And in that way, everything feels enough.
Disclaimer: Establishing boundaries is paramount. Love that is corrosive or manipulative is not love.
Feb 1, 2024
now i am a very lucky person because i am in love with some who was once one of my best friends. (sadly this rec probably isnāt universally applicable but contains good lessons i hope!) iād met him during the first week of freshman year of college, and we immediately became close. hung out a ton and related on a lot of issues/values but our interactions were always platonic.
by wintertime we were being seen together around campus a ton, to the point that our acquaintances started asking whether we were a couple. weād laugh at the idea, even joking about it ourselves. oh how oblivious we were.
spring rolled around and i suddenly caught feelings. for a couple weeks i tried to convince myself i didnāt like him because i was so afraid of losing our beautiful friendship. i thought it impossible that he would feel the same as me. yes, pretty torturous!! alas, my Emotional Suppression didnāt work. thank god, because one night when we were hanging out in my room he finally kissed me. i had been so afraid but instantly i knew it was right. the risk was worth it.
weāve now been together for almost two years and he is truly the love of my life. he is the best risk Iāve ever taken. yes this is so platitudinous, but sometimes love comes when you least expect it and appears in odd places!
more generally, i think
- looking for people whose values align with yours is a wonderful place to start establishing intimate and long-lasting relationships, both platonic and romantic.
- itās never worthwhile to force something to work out if your gut tells you itās wrong ā youāre worth more than that. love doesnāt thrive when itās fed by obligation and pressure.
- donāt be afraid to present yourself in your full authenticity to others. if someone else has a problem with You in your Grandest Expression, theyāre not worth your energy. love is meant to affirm and expand who you are, not place boundaries on it.
- go on self dates and explore what it means to have a loving relationship with yourself! you, as a singular self, are already whole and enough without having a partner. you are complete as a baseline regardless of your relationship status; a partner is meant to complement and embrace this wholeness!!
love is ridiculous and hard and beautiful; trust it when you feel it!!
Nov 10, 2024
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love is beautiful. love is pure. love is enduring.
iām not sure if my standards for love are too high, but i worry i donāt mean it. iād change my character, overcome weaknesses for those i say it to, yet it never feels like enough. i want to embrace someone not only through touch, but through the warmth of my actions and presence.
love knows no bounds. i want to break every single wall a person can put up. still, i know there are limits to love. love is undefinedāit is not a singular, universal concept for every person. i fear i can never truly portray my love for another without everything crashing down, whether due to the walls weāve built to shield ourselves from the world or to passing circumstances.
maybe iām not concerned about my feelings for others. maybe the words āi love youā donāt quite serve me justice. still, from this new perspective, itās an affectionate, enkindling acknowledgement to give anotherāakin to kissing your loved one on the cheek each morning before leaving for work.
love: a word that can be used for anyone, whether platonically or romantically. we really should say these words shamelessly to those around us every day. itās a marvel to think over what true love means to you and how it can vary from person to person. i think this is what makes it beautiful.
your idea of love will fit into anotherās idea of love. i hope everyone who reads this is lucky enough to find that person they mesh together with.^^
4d ago
Top Recs from @zenlikeme
āWe live in a world in which we need to share responsibility. Itās easy to say āItās not my child, not my community, not my world, not my problem.ā Then there are those who see the need and respond. I consider those people my heroes.ā
ā Fred Rogers
3d ago
I havenāt been on Twitter for years and hardly touch FB, but I had been an active user on Instagram since 2012. I really like taking and sharing photos, and that had always been a fun place to do it.
No more.
With the changes the content moderation changes theyāre making, leaving LGBTQ+ folks vulnerable to be targeted; their rolling back of DEI programs; their willing participation in far-right rhetoric and politics; itās all too much and Iām out.
As if Metaās platform hadnāt already been increasingly enshittified, this was the final straw to announce how much worse it will get.
And you know what? It feels freeing. Better to leave it behind and find new platforms to connect with people.
Jan 22, 2025
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The guy got my attention with, āHey, I like your shoes.ā Just like that, he had me. We talked about where I bought the shoes and how I used to work in the shoe industry. He used to work in the beer industry but had recently become independently wealthy because of an investment opportunity he started with a few of his friends.
āYou get to be your own boss,ā he told me. Your boot could be on your own neck. Weāre back to the topic of shoes.
He told me itās a small investment to get started but things are really taking off and I could get in on the ground floor. I could quit my job. Work for myself. Had I ever considered doing something like that?
āNo,ā I said with a shrug. I walked away with my jar of peanut butter. I canāt remember if it was creamy or crunchy. Probably crunchy.
Nice guy!
Feb 25, 2025