đź’–
Sometimes I get caught up chasing ideals of love. Growing up with immigrant parents in the US, I wished my parents showed me love the way my friends' parents did. My parents seemed cold in comparison to the affection I saw my friends receiving. I fell for best friends who did love me but never enough and never in the ways I wanted them to.
Nowadays I have grown to appreciate the ways in which my parents do show me love -- when they ask if I've eaten or when I dye my mom's hair as she peels me oranges. Friendship to me no longer needs to be tied up in such rigid binaries. It's not the label of a relationship I'm after but rather just the intimacy of knowing other people. I try not to focus so much on how I wish to be loved by other people and instead pay attention to all the different ways I am loved. Acting with a mindset of abundance rather than scarcity. And in that way, everything feels enough.
Disclaimer: Establishing boundaries is paramount. Love that is corrosive or manipulative is not love.
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now i am a very lucky person because i am in love with some who was once one of my best friends. (sadly this rec probably isn’t universally applicable but contains good lessons i hope!) i’d met him during the first week of freshman year of college, and we immediately became close. hung out a ton and related on a lot of issues/values but our interactions were always platonic.
by wintertime we were being seen together around campus a ton, to the point that our acquaintances started asking whether we were a couple. we’d laugh at the idea, even joking about it ourselves. oh how oblivious we were.
spring rolled around and i suddenly caught feelings. for a couple weeks i tried to convince myself i didn’t like him because i was so afraid of losing our beautiful friendship. i thought it impossible that he would feel the same as me. yes, pretty torturous!! alas, my Emotional Suppression didn’t work. thank god, because one night when we were hanging out in my room he finally kissed me. i had been so afraid but instantly i knew it was right. the risk was worth it.
we’ve now been together for almost two years and he is truly the love of my life. he is the best risk I’ve ever taken. yes this is so platitudinous, but sometimes love comes when you least expect it and appears in odd places!
more generally, i think
- looking for people whose values align with yours is a wonderful place to start establishing intimate and long-lasting relationships, both platonic and romantic.
- it’s never worthwhile to force something to work out if your gut tells you it’s wrong — you’re worth more than that. love doesn’t thrive when it’s fed by obligation and pressure.
- don’t be afraid to present yourself in your full authenticity to others. if someone else has a problem with You in your Grandest Expression, they’re not worth your energy. love is meant to affirm and expand who you are, not place boundaries on it.
- go on self dates and explore what it means to have a loving relationship with yourself! you, as a singular self, are already whole and enough without having a partner. you are complete as a baseline regardless of your relationship status; a partner is meant to complement and embrace this wholeness!!
love is ridiculous and hard and beautiful; trust it when you feel it!!
Nov 10, 2024
🤍
love is beautiful. love is pure. love is enduring.
i’m not sure if my standards for love are too high, but i worry i don’t mean it. i’d change my character, overcome weaknesses for those i say it to, yet it never feels like enough. i want to embrace someone not only through touch, but through the warmth of my actions and presence.
love knows no bounds. i want to break every single wall a person can put up. still, i know there are limits to love. love is undefined—it is not a singular, universal concept for every person. i fear i can never truly portray my love for another without everything crashing down, whether due to the walls we’ve built to shield ourselves from the world or to passing circumstances.
maybe i’m not concerned about my feelings for others. maybe the words “i love you” don’t quite serve me justice. still, from this new perspective, it’s an affectionate, enkindling acknowledgement to give another—akin to kissing your loved one on the cheek each morning before leaving for work.
love: a word that can be used for anyone, whether platonically or romantically. we really should say these words shamelessly to those around us every day. it’s a marvel to think over what true love means to you and how it can vary from person to person. i think this is what makes it beautiful.
your idea of love will fit into another’s idea of love. i hope everyone who reads this is lucky enough to find that person they mesh together with.^^
3d ago
Love is so often mistaken for possession and enmeshment. I am yours. You are mine. Two souls, one body. No clear distinction between where one person begins and the other ends. But this isn’t love as I have come to know it. Love is about caring for someone, not only for their sameness, but their differences as well. It’s supporting them when they move closer to you and when their happiness requires they take steps away. It’s a dance of moving apart and coming back together, trusting your partner enough to let go of their hand with the faith that they’ll return.
That’s what love is to me. It is about supporting the whole of another and what is good for them, not just the parts of them that overlap with you and your needs. It’s not transactional, where their purpose is to fulfill all of your needs and “complete” you. A relationship is a collaborative effort: a joint, creative project of countless possibilities.
For the last several years, I’ve practiced relationship anarchy. RA is often associated with ethical non-monogamy but it's more than a dating style. It's a philosophy that seeks to understand and challenge many of the power dynamics at play in our interpersonal relationships. Yes, it is about how we relate to our lovers, but also our friends, our animal companions, the environment, and even ourselves.
Personally, RA has transformed much of my life. It's strengthened my relationship with my partner, it's deepened my friendships - including those with my animal friends - and helped me appreciate the value of community. I don’t expect everyone to align with RA, but I do recommend learning to love others as whole people and not merely as objects to project your deepest desires and fears on to.
Nov 24, 2024
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đźĄ
it’s like eating the sun itself
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đź’ˇ
Low Tech Magazine runs on a single solar panel. We take for granted just how much energy is needed to keep up with our digital footprint. The tenet of the magazine is to radically reimagine our technology in more sustainable ways. The website has solar panel data so you can see how charged the website is. Running on solar means the website does go offline at times when the sun isn't out. In a world where access to information is so ubiquitous, it's really cool to have a website that isn't always going to be online.
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đź§
and then share it anyway. the people who like it will be grateful you did. who cares if people don’t like it? you didn’t make it for them.
Feb 2, 2024