i began to make more intentional decisions, aligned with what I truly wanted for myself, rather than what others expect from me—whether those "others" are real people or more abstract societal expectations that i had internalized. This meant sitting down and listening to what i needed, wanted, and could give to myself. having an idea of what i want my life to look like in a few years really helps—especially if it’s got a mix of realistic and crazy aspects in it i guess
my life is far from perfect, it doesn't have to be. It's all cyclical, i think.
I’ve started treating myself with more compassion, which, like everything else, is a work in progress. I try to do this because guilt can be too defeating. i fuck up all the time, but i try again and again and again. And when everything feels overwhelming, I try—if I can—to step back and view my life from an observer's perspective. Detaching a bit can really help.
Dec 4, 2024
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To be upfront, there are two things about myself that I love:
1. I'm tenacious AF
2. I am generally a positive person. I can handle almost any situtation, and I've had to learn to actually ask/demand more, so it's not always great.
With that being said, I've wanted to die many times. I've experienced a lot of trauma. I have PTSD for years. Things got to a point where I knew if I didn't make really drastic changes I was going to die in some way- I simply could not go on how I was.
The only thing that started to change things is when I started to learn more about myself and my reasons for doing things, being with certain people, getting into certain relationships. Part of my whole issue was that I had major trauma from childhood that I was actively avoiding. So many things happen to us as children, big and small, that we don't have the capacticy to deal with at the time. But as adults, we do.
I remember the moment where things started shifting for me. It unlocked a hunger in me to dig more and more to why I was the way I was, and why I made the choices I did, in a really deep way. I became more action oriented in facing my shit, healing it, and discovering what I was like without it. It definitely wasn't easy, and it wasn't fun most of the time, but in reality the years I spent doing that are small compared to the life I have ahead of me. I'm a whole new person, but the parts of me that are true are the same. I became a more mature, loving, responsible version of myself.
Hating your life is a sign something is not working. If you're unsure what that is, go inward. If you don't know where to start, think about the very next step. That's all you need to do. You're never locked in where you're at now forever. Don't know what you want to do for a career? Switch gears and do a completely different job. There is no timeline. You can literally do whatever you want. When I was doing a lot of the stressful inner work, I worked at animal shelters because I needed something so low stress. And I was mid 20's!!! No career goals in sight!!! Not even anywhere in my brain!!! If you're straight up hating something that is taking up most of your time... just quit it. Life is too short.
Success to me is ease and grace. I want a peaceful, joyful life (most of the time). Sometimes to figure out what you need to do, you gotta take a giant step back. Or a step to the left. Or take a big roundabout. Or maybe a quest needs to be taken...
Dec 4, 2024
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Trying new things and pushing through it all. It feels like shit to be active about what i do in life, but it also benefits me a lot. It helps me stay away from the bad.
Feb 4, 2025
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love myself, the choices I make, the people I let into my life and the lessons I learn
I want to start doing things that center what brings me joy and not what is necessarily expected of me, I feel like I get trapped on the misery wheel, when I am consistently making choices that are not good for me but do not know how to effectively take back my agency.
I feel like if I loved myself a bit more maybe then I would not feel like I deserve to be on the wheel at all, maybe I could feel like I can build my own wheel, a better wheel, a wheel built with love
May 29, 2024
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the good thing about analog photography is that in the moment you're taking that picture you're not thinking about how shit the result is going to be (it will be shit)
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