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Trying new things and pushing through it all. It feels like shit to be active about what i do in life, but it also benefits me a lot. It helps me stay away from the bad.
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i began to make more intentional decisions, aligned with what I truly wanted for myself, rather than what others expect from me—whether those "others" are real people or more abstract societal expectations that i had internalized. This meant sitting down and listening to what i needed, wanted, and could give to myself. having an idea of what i want my life to look like in a few years really helps—especially if it’s got a mix of realistic and crazy aspects in it i guess
my life is far from perfect, it doesn't have to be. It's all cyclical, i think.
I’ve started treating myself with more compassion, which, like everything else, is a work in progress. I try to do this because guilt can be too defeating. i fuck up all the time, but i try again and again and again. And when everything feels overwhelming, I try—if I can—to step back and view my life from an observer's perspective. Detaching a bit can really help.
Dec 4, 2024
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i've been facing paralysis when i have to do something that i'm anxious about. i know at the end it'll be something "good for me", but that in itself doesn't stop the anxieties i have. waiting on it and stewing in my thoughts isn't helping me feel better. so, why not do things scared? the fear will be there regardless.
i'm trying to push through the fear and do things anyways. for example, i have a gap year in between my graduation and my job. the thought of applying to jobs in this market fills me with undeniable dread, but i'm doing it anyways one job at a time.
(on a side note, one anti-recommendation i have is the modern job hunt. why the fuck is this so hard)
the things we "have" to do feel like a deep pool sometimes. scream as you take the plunge, and you come out on the other end feeling a little bit lighter.
Jan 9, 2025
I've been in a rut since October and I have been too paralysed by guilt and depression to build back up. But I'm getting there.
I'm in therapy to work through things and tackle some behavioural issues. I have a bunch of concerts on the horizon that I bought tickets to when I was Really Deep In It and just needed to fill my calendar with things to look forward to, and I'm starting to feel the excitement for them. Ive been resetting my wardrobe with some thrifted/second hand shopping and i'm going to a big vintage fair in The Big City near my birthday.
The cats I live with are starting to trust me and I'm starting to be a better roommate, both in terms of being sociable and contributing to chores and such.
I still have a long way to go, but considering that not even three weeks ago I could barely get out of bed, this is an improvement. I'm working towards the goals I have set to better myself, and I'm doing what I can to keep myself going while I work towards being capable of doing more good. I can't do better if I never Do Anything, so I need to trust myself to do things again 🤷♂️
6d ago
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balancing the act of staying informed and trying not to be so fucking disgusted with how the world is now, it makes me so sick to my fucking stomach.
Feb 15, 2025
Jan 13, 2025
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I was getting in trouble and then it lead to that idk how, and i never realized it was weird thing to say until i was like in middle school.
Feb 6, 2025