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on confronting traumatic moments revolving around embarrassment or shame:
when i was like 14 in chorus class we were all required to do a solo performance. singjng is my biggest insecurity and i completely shut down any time i have to actually perform. needless to say, this was the epitome of that experience. tweenage me had the biggest panic attack of my entire life trying to ukelele creep by radiohead (per any 14 year old girl).
i have made progress w my vocals in recent years but despite everything i can barely even listen to that song 7 years later because thats all i think about. it was utter humiliation.
that said, i got out my stupid little fake gay mini guitar w its pretty odd stickers and jon cozart signature and decided to try to redo it like rn. nobodys in this room but me and i am still aching in terror- its like i can literally see the band room’s music stands and the podium in the corner where our director was sitting. i just hit record on my little voice memos and i was 14 again. trying not to throw up rn.
still got just as nervous. still couldnt do anything near what im technically capable of in shaking violently and trying not to hyperventilate— but i got through it? its done? i am alive and i have now realized that the worst moment of my life despite everything else ive been through was defined by my insecurity rather than an actual catastrophe- shocker.
i am 21 and i am nauseous in my room alone and still fuck up strumming kn the fucking UKELELE (i didnt think that was possible) because of the same overestimation of significance and perfectionism that took me DEEEYOOWWWNNN!! at 14.
its a nice reflection. idk how this can transfer to different situations but honestly i recommend it- i have now diluted the significance of an event that i have never gotten over ever in my life.
gives my brain more room for the good out there.
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i have totally been there, and i dont necessarily recommend doing what i did, but i eventually texted the person for Reasons, acknowledged that I humiliated myself, and they said they legitimately didn’t think about it or find what i did embarrassing at all, even if i believe that an objective source would disagree? not that they completely forgot, just that they didn’t think about it like that.
it’s annoying to hear, but you really are your own worst critic! and everyone does embarrassing shit, and something more embarrassing will happen to you eventually, and that’s okay! it’s part of being human i guess
Jan 31, 2025
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romanticise ur blunders & ur missteps, bc that is just part of being a creature. if u saw a duckling fall flat on its face and scramble 2 its feet u wouldn't judge the freakin duckling, u would think it was the cutest thing ever. because it is. we r just organisms in big ungainly bodies, and that is part of our charm. tripping over ur own feet is maybe the most adorable thing u can do. like awwhh u tripped on the pavement </333
this extends 2 social interactions 2. messaging exes that u miss them, making a joke that doesn't land, mishearing/not knowing/forgetting something, etc??!!?! SO SWEET. genuinely such wonderful & important & adorable things 2 do.
i think this is maybe the best thing i've ever managed 2 train my brain 2 do. it isn't foolproof but it makes life a lot gentler.
Feb 5, 2024
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it requires too much mental energy to stop them or make them go away - just let it happen. the shame will fade away.
i unfortunately haven’t been able to shake an ex. i also haven’t been able to shake the mean version of me telling me i’m not doing enough or i’m an imposter for idk maybe my entire adult life? i convince myself of an entirely unbased lie at least once a day. today’s was that i have somehow committed tax fraud even though i know i didn‘t. it’s quite funny actually to just let them roll off the brain and see what your anxious little neurons come up with 🤪
Apr 9, 2024
Top Recs from @slut
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gonna drop my favorites of todays search here:
.˳·˖✶𓆩𓁺𓆪✶˖·˳.
🃜🃚🃖🃁🂭🂺
ᓚᘏᗢ
† ཐི❤︎ཋྀ †
𓇢𓆸
˟̣̥̣̥̣̥ ˟‧̩̥·‧•̥̩̥͙‧·‧̩̥˟*̥✧*̥˟‧̩̥·‧•̥̩̥͙‧·‧̩̥˟ ˟̣̥̣̥̣̥
ᘏ ⑅ ᘏ ഒ zᶻ
꒰˶ - ˕ -꒱ ⌒)ᦱ
✄┈┈┈┈
note: the majority didnt translate to pi well. guess its good to know!
Dec 5, 2024
i have such a hard time getting through movies, its brutal and unfortunate. i am fully aware im missing out on some critical pieces of art in consequence, but if isnt both predominantly psychological thriller and as quickly paced as oppenheimer, its super hard to keep me engaged.
i will talk about this movie until the end of time. despite minimal dialogue and the most clinical atmosphere to be captured by means of cinematography, the lack of information and consequential unpredictability kept me thoroughly enticed and fully unnerved for the full two hours. minimalism weaponized for max intensity with no certain direction; epitomization of surrealist thriller.
watching it for the first time without context nor any expectations is an invaluable experience.
Nov 26, 2024
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sipping on cinnamon ginger peach smth smth smth goodness w door open 41 degrees 7am No Effort.
feeling productive and i havent done jackshit!
Dec 5, 2024