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I’m tired of jumping through hoops and reframing my mounting dread everyday as ‘an opportunity to make a change‘. I’m tired of thinking that only if I tried harder, or was better or did something different that I would have a better outcome. At what point do you stop trying to jam the same puzzle piece in the same spot and say,
“Hmm maybe this doesn’t fit!”
Am I quitting trying to be an ever optimizing and improving version of myself? Maybe. OR have I successfully gotten what I wanted out of this experience and can peacefully move on without remorse?
I think in 2025 I’m going to start choosing the latter.
Dec 18, 2024
Related Recs
🤔
I’ve been thinking about this a lot regarding my plan to purge/organize my home, because the way I used to do projects like this just doesn’t work anymore. I can no longer wait until I have the energy, then do as much as I can in one go. I do not have the gift of uninterrupted time anymore. Instead, I’ve had to adjust to a more slow and steady way of working. I choose *one* space to work on each day. Often times it ends up being one drawer, or corner, or step in the process.
Logically this is great and the best way to meet my goals. Mentally/emotionally I kid of hate it because it’s not how I’ve worked for my entire life. I have big ideas and want to do them right now!!!! But, when is growth or change ever without a bit of uncomfortability or pain?
So, I am actively changing my mindset. I speak positively to myself about the one small thing I did that day. I share that one small thing with my husband and friends. Because in actuality if it was so easy for me to do, I would’ve done it before. So my effort deserves some recognition!! Positive reinforcement, even when it’s to our own selves, can carry us a long way 🫶
Jan 13, 2025
🧠
spent the last five or so years in a maze of ennui and self-pity, but i have in the last 18 months slowly been clawing my way towards something resembling the life i want to be living.
i can see the end of the tunnel now, but strangely that amplifies my impatience. when things seemed more hopeless it was perversely sort of freeing - i didn’t know where i should be going, so i wasn’t in a rush. now that i have the full map in my hands i have nothing left to do but drive towards the end. that’s exactly what i wanted, in a sense, but now i have the burden of actually executing on the promises i made to myself - turns out that’s harder than making the promises in the first place! who knew
Mar 3, 2025
🌪
To be upfront, there are two things about myself that I love:
1. I'm tenacious AF
2. I am generally a positive person. I can handle almost any situtation, and I've had to learn to actually ask/demand more, so it's not always great.
With that being said, I've wanted to die many times. I've experienced a lot of trauma. I have PTSD for years. Things got to a point where I knew if I didn't make really drastic changes I was going to die in some way- I simply could not go on how I was.
The only thing that started to change things is when I started to learn more about myself and my reasons for doing things, being with certain people, getting into certain relationships. Part of my whole issue was that I had major trauma from childhood that I was actively avoiding. So many things happen to us as children, big and small, that we don't have the capacticy to deal with at the time. But as adults, we do.
I remember the moment where things started shifting for me. It unlocked a hunger in me to dig more and more to why I was the way I was, and why I made the choices I did, in a really deep way. I became more action oriented in facing my shit, healing it, and discovering what I was like without it. It definitely wasn't easy, and it wasn't fun most of the time, but in reality the years I spent doing that are small compared to the life I have ahead of me. I'm a whole new person, but the parts of me that are true are the same. I became a more mature, loving, responsible version of myself.
Hating your life is a sign something is not working. If you're unsure what that is, go inward. If you don't know where to start, think about the very next step. That's all you need to do. You're never locked in where you're at now forever. Don't know what you want to do for a career? Switch gears and do a completely different job. There is no timeline. You can literally do whatever you want. When I was doing a lot of the stressful inner work, I worked at animal shelters because I needed something so low stress. And I was mid 20's!!! No career goals in sight!!! Not even anywhere in my brain!!! If you're straight up hating something that is taking up most of your time... just quit it. Life is too short.
Success to me is ease and grace. I want a peaceful, joyful life (most of the time). Sometimes to figure out what you need to do, you gotta take a giant step back. Or a step to the left. Or take a big roundabout. Or maybe a quest needs to be taken...
Dec 4, 2024
Top Recs from @kkolbrich
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There’s just something really energizing knowing that me, Megan Fox, and the Late Elizabeth II share something moderately specific.
🌞Taurus
🌜Leo
✨Capricorn
Mar 4, 2025
🧿
You don’t need to suffer to prove that you’re a good person. You don’t have to stay with the job that makes you question yourself and you don’t have to keep dating that person you’re not quite clicking with. If something feels off then it probably is. I’m not advocating for immediately abandoning your responsibilities and throwing caution to the wind; but in our hearts we know when something is working and when it isn’t.
That thing called intuition is your soul, and you can trust it.
Dec 31, 2024
💻
I just found out last night that my 2012 MacBook Pro can no longer be upgraded past iOS 11, which means I can no longer listen to Spotify on desktop because it no longer supports anything below iOS 14.
My Laptop is a relic. She got me through all of college and was my first big purchase. She holds a charge for maybe an hour and you could honestly cook an egg on her charging brick. But she and I watched YouTube videos learning about design and cinema 4D to get through tough classes. Her light up keys click-clacked all through the night when I was writing essays in the dark. The glowing apple on her back reminds me of the back tattoo I designed for myself with her when I was learning Adobe illustrator.
She also reminds me that old things can still work, and that even though they’re not the best, sometimes don’t need to be replaced.
I’m willing to make functionality sacrifices because she is not only my laptop, but a reminder of how far I’ve come through my transition from young adult to adult-adult. She keeps my lap warm and genuinely makes me happy to use.
Humans are conditioned to favor convenience, but how important is that when it’s weighed against our hardwired sentimental nature and drive to love?
In loving her I am appreciating myself in ways that I could only ever do indirectly. I am proud that she continues to work and boot up every day, just like I am of me.
Dec 20, 2024