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current listen: dancing by Tru Tones
this is my first post on here and that's fun. I'm just gonna say it: I have been home for about 11 days, and I feel as though I have been here for much longer. Not in a bad way. just that time moves so low when it's extremely sticky outside (it's 87 degrees in Tanzania).
I have always been okay with being alone. But I also notice that when I hang out with my friends, I feel as though I might not be as much fun as everyone else while I am here. I don't club, but I love going to clubs (I shazam songs and like concerts). I don't drink for religious reasons. But when I think of how I want to go out to some places, I think, "Why not just do it alone"? But I am yet to do them. Idk. Anyway, maybe I will discover more of myself in the future. I thought I'd have figured out some aspect of myself at this age (24).
but what I do know is that I will make sure I try some things on my own. for sure. here's to doing something different for myself!
Dec 25, 2024
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i went frolicking for two weeks in Copenhagen, Berlin, etc with some friends who live there and while the bonding was magnifique, and the dancingdrugsenergy unlike anything America could begin to offer, i can't adequately express the elation felt on the journey home.
tasting California summer produce, driving my gas guzzler around town, snuggling into my own bed, spending quality time with my friends and family, dropping back into a life i'm so proud to have built over the past few years... nothing beats it. i'm so happy to be home and so grateful i'm no longer frantic to escape it. maybe it sometimes takes time away to appreciate the grass can be green wherever you plant your feet <33
(also i haven't been posting on here bc the app refuses to work on my phone... help??)
Jun 25, 2024
i went on my first truly solo trip this weekend and it was a blast. i got a hotel in downtown pittsburgh and spent my time walking the city, stopping at cool shops i saw, finding local spots for food, going to a monster jam show at the arena, visiting museums and the botanical gardens. and wow! it was so nice to explore a new city completely on my own terms.
i’ve always been good at doing things alone (only child behavior) but for the past few months i have been the definition of crash out core, and i have just felt really lonely and pessimistic about life. i spur of the moment planned this trip for myself about a week ago because when i feel myself really slipping from reality it always seems the only thing that saves me is spontaneously doing something to feel like i have control over my life again. and boy! did i rediscover a piece of myself in pittsburgh.
life has its ebbs and flows for sure. but as i drift through my 20s, im trying my best to make sure i always feel secure in myself. i like being around me! as long as i have me (which is inevitable), i know i have the power to build a nice time for myself.
i fear i uncovered a piece of my heart in pittsburgh. a heart that shows myself way more grace than i have been lately. a heart that thinks i am a pretty awesome person who is worthy of pretty cool things and will cultivate it myself if i have to.
my solo weekend trip was great, and im very excited to do it more often
Feb 17, 2025
I went to bars by myself just to read and listen to the music. I learned recently that’s the freedom you gain when you go places alone.
I spend so much of my life unintentionally waiting for permission to do things. Waiting on someone else to want to do things with me. It’s sort of weird being an adult and being allowed to just go to another country because you feel like it. It’s a freedom that I’ve never been brave enough to explore before.
I wonder if this experience was a as weird and wonderful for anyone else as it was for me.
(img: sketch of a cathedral i went to on my solo trip)
Jan 18, 2025
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last Saturday, I attended an event that I didn't plan on making content at. I had a great time at the pop-up but I took very little pictures and videos. I only had one plan- to enjoy myself. I have not had any intention to create any content while on my vacation. the constant pressure to push out is not what I want to have overbearing me as I grow older. On this particular day though, I promised myself that if I made something, it would be in hopes that I would make it for funsies. And the 13-second video I put out got me the most views I have ever received. This post does not mean that you should not take your vacation time seriously, but that if you are feeling reluctant to make a silly little post because you also fear external judgment like I do, then just do it. The outcome could be greater than you had imagined.
what a ramble.
Jan 3, 2025