Related Recs

😃

not chickening out

i felt so wiped i considered cancelling the first date i scheduled with a girl. but i made a couple cups of coffee, showered, powered through. and we collaged the whole night away, talking and laughing and staying up til we fell asleep together on my couch at 5AM. her voice is so lovely. i haven’t felt so Myself with someone new in so long.

@rafs

Mar 15, 2024

👨

first kiss at 23

i was raised in a highly religious household where i was taught that dating was for marriage. middle school romances, then, were frowned upon and seen as fickle because they “just lead to unnecessary heartbreak“. as fucked up as this logic was, it made sense to me at the time and little me became an expert at suppressing any and all romantic urges, knowing that one day, when i was old enough, my time would come. brainwashing runs deep though, and this sense of being too young for a serious relationship never left me. time passes, and one day i find myself at 18 years old sitting in the most romantic gazebo in a forest with this girl i felt i really liked at the time. i tell her how much i like her. she says she feels the same. my heart is pounding like never before. yet, terrified of commitment, feeling ashamed of having feelings, and having the sense that im going to have to marry this girl if things went any further, the moment came and went and we never kissed. we end up moving away from each other. i spend my next years at college feeling heartbroken but also wracking my brain over why things never truly felt right with her. i do shrooms, my religiosity unravels, and i finally accept that im gay. internal crises ensue and i spend a good couple years “doing they work”, as they say. flash forward to 23. i‘ve moved to the city and have my own apartment. i’ve just come out two months prior. i decide i want to start dating (big because i had never actually dated anyone, esp men). i meet someone online and we go out a few times. i’m absolutely charmed and he tells me how bad he wants to kiss me but i have to decline because i still feel like i barely know him and i don’t want to regret it. i explain my lore to give reason for my apprehension. like, the stakes are now HIGH - my brain is way too developed at this point for me to waste my first kiss on just anyone. one evening shortly after, we’re chatting on the couch in my apartment and that pre-kiss feeling is in the air. he asks again if he can kiss me and i say yes. he leans in, does the deed, i kiss back, and we make out for close to three hours (needed to make up for 23 years of nothing). one of the best nights of my life. it took years of self-work and un-conditioning to get to that place in my life where i could experience/enjoy a moment like that and im so proud of myself for it<3 epilogue: we continued to go out but ended up doing the whole anxious/avoidant situationship dance which nearly destroyed me in the end (i still think about him every day). but we had some good times lol

@joeldcross

Oct 17, 2024

🎟

first date i didn't know was a date

a girl from my school started dm-ing me on insta and since it was pretty tame stuff (like literally no signs she was into me) I was sure that she just wanted to be friends with me. she seemed pretty cool so I dm-ed her back and we talked for a couple days before she asked me if I wanted to catch a movie with her. I said yes. what was the movie you ask? all of us strangers. by that point, I was still somehow clueless. we met up, she hugged me, we walked to the theatre, we got snacks, we sat down, we watched the movie, it was all pretty normal friendly stuff. I even ended up crying (to be fair I'm not sure who wouldn't cry at that movie). it was only after the fact that I was informed by our mutual friend that she was apparently into me and that was supposed to be a date. I ended up just asking to be friends and we haven't spoken since :,)

@salmune

Apr 27, 2024

Top Recs from @murdonner

🧸

Dw

She’s hilarious

@murdonner

Nov 16, 2024

⏳

Don’t fetishise your 20s

I’m on the wrong side of 33 and i can tell you with utmost certainty that your 20s is the most chaotic time of your life and it’s amazing that anyone actually gets anything done during them. If you’re a type a planning type personality however I would recommend: - if you’re the sort of person who cares about diet and fitness, establish those routines in your 20s - live where you wanna live. Don’t live somewhere you hate because you think you’ll have more fun later cos you won’t - get a job that makes reliable money that you can tolerate and go back to if your dreams fall through. It doesn’t have to be a dream job it just has to pay the rent and not make you sad - don't smoke cigarettes - use sunscreen - be as cringe as you want. People expect it from you anyway. They won’t have as much patience in your 30s.

@murdonner

Nov 25, 2024

👔

party moment

Walking into a formal celebration and taking in everyone looking and smelling good. The smell always stays with me the most—cologne, soap, hair product, cigarettes, leather, shoe polish. Everyone so clean and proud and a little bit shy. So special.

@murdonner

Dec 7, 2024