you know what i find really interesting? that iāve never not started a big little post like this without the words āyou know what i find really interestingā?
anyone who has ever met me has been a victim of this same quote, with no fault of their own, i am but a broken record
āthe entirety of your life is either waiting for the really good things or the really bad thingsā (my father)
you know what i find really interesting?
numbness.
not itās presence , not its absence, rather the fact it exists at all.
i am
moved
by the fact i can be moved
i often wonder if i have felt the entirety of emotions possible my disposal
have i ever really been in love?
can i look upon you with tears in your eyes and say, definitively, i know how you feel?
is your happiness mine? do you understand my desires as i understand yours? i am but words on a screen and pixels that stand before you in their own right, words that are not contingent on your comprehension yet secretly hope and pray they do not fall on deaf ears.
i do not need your validation, but i want it. tell me i am beautiful, or smart, or that the funny words i use are any different than another teenage girls, tell me you know too what it is like to be numb, and sad, and happy, and hungry.
why do we write? why do we express? to remind you that i too am human, grappling with my own mortality every day? am i writing for you?