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Man when I was 21 I thought I had it all. Had friends I would go clubbing with every weekend. Was in a happy relationship with a woman who I thought was THE one. My artistic career in college was taking off, I was getting gallery calls left and right, people were recognizing my hard work and skills. Lived in a dogcrap apartment but still made enough to live on my own and bought the car I still drive today (5 years later) for $3K in cash.
Turns out things can change, you grow out of friend groups, you move back home from college, good relationships can still fall apart, your art career has ups and downs and you donāt get the amazing job immediately after you graduate. Life is never simple. Tomorrow is never promised, sometimes things work out sometimes despite how hard you try, they donāt. The biggest lesson I learned back then though was itās ok to not have everything figured out. Iām still figuring things out at 26, and Iām content with that.
Jan 22, 2025
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Love this, ātommorrow is never promisedā
I will carry this with me as I continue my journey! Thank you for sharing a bit of your life with me it was very comforting. I think figuring it out is the beautiful part of life, maybe we never will but perhaps that is what makes each new day exciting!
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happy (early?) birthday!! š Idk what advice to give because i feel like the 20-somethings now are more emotionally aware than the 20-somethings from even as recent as a decade ago, but tune into your body, give yourself grace, and listen to othersā stories without feeling pressured to model your life after someone elseās. & if you donāt know what you want your life to look like yet thatās okay! ā¤ļø
At 21 I was in my senior year of college and engaged to be married within the year after graduation. In the southern religious environment we were in this wasnāt abnormal, but in retrospect that was soooo young to get married and I donāt think I would have so quickly if I hadnāt been so desperate to get out of a problematic family situation that involved some financial abuse. Despite changing A LOT over the past decade+ my partner and I are still together, and I look back at 21 as a time when I most followed the social script expected of me and coasted on that for a while, until it all started to fall apart (in an ultimately good if devastating way) when I became a mom at 24.Ā
tl;dr: my 21 was tame and mellow and happy but i had no idea who i was or what i could be and now i do have a stronger sense of that at 32 and that feels better
Jun 11, 2024
I turned 21 in february 2020, so, ya know. My world changed quick.
But truly I just remember trying various things, trying to define and undefine myself. Feeling what it felt like to stick to my guns, then readjust them. I was in the middle of what would be a 2.5 year relationship. I didn't kid myself with picturing a big future anymore than what was sweet, which was wonderful. I was living with a partner for the first time and felt like I knew what to do, like I was experienced enough for all the problems which faced me. but really I was just experienced enough to start so many things.
I was constantly bouncing between total pride and complete faliure. Playing house in a house I was actually renting with friends. Experimenting with what grocery shopping for myself meant to my life, redifining how I was going to live my days in the future.
The best thing I did in my 21st year of life was not be too mean to myself for not committing, and just committing to new things. I would go dance in the park, go on walks, edit music. All things I wish I did on the regular but regardless, by trying new things, it made it so much easier to pick them up, because I had a frame of reference for the world.
I loved being 20, as depressed as I was. That specific creativity is gone. But now I am 25 and know how to weild my own magic. The depth I have always felt within my soul has farther definition. Its like I put on glasses in a 7th dimention. Don't underestimate the beautiful growth ahead. Yes you are an adult, equipped hopefully to start so many new things. But keep up that internal work, and the years will be bountiful towards true inner peace.
And soo many more new tools to better learn how to tackle issues while still feeling like yourself.
u got this. stay true to urself but be flexibl with redifining who that is.
x
Jun 12, 2024
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I began my 21st year with my head in the toilet of a man I was seeing. He held my hair back as I repeatedly wailed āwhy donāt you want to be with meeeeeā. Barely anyone had turned up to my party earlier. That year had many such sad moments like this, but it also transitioned into one of the most fun times of my life. I had a really bad depressive episode, but it was the first time Iād felt really heard by my family went home for an bit to be looked after, I also had a best friend at uni, Alice who looked after me so well and weāre still friends today. Eventually I graduated uni and I moved in with one of my best friends, Rohan. We worked at a bar together and the people at that bar became my family for a while, I stayed in Sheffield my uni town for 5 more years because of that bar. we still meet up a couple times a year for a reunion. I had purple hair and I was drunk a lot, I cried a lot, I had so much anxiety, I wrote essentially nothing but I read more than I had in the 3 years of uni prior to it. I had so much fun working at that bar, I met so many people and danced so much. slept with far too many musicians which was often traumatic but means I have some great stories and I learnt a lot about myself. 21 is really hard, but itās also really fun, and it all counts and it all means something. I look back at 21 year old me with so much love and compassion, one day you will feel the same about yourself and youāll be so proud of that person.
Jun 11, 2024
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I have a near-Biblical dislike of Allbirds shoes and every other Tim Cook Jeff Bezos Middle-aged Balding Pickleball coach ass shoe out there for convincing the public that these were in any way cool. No dude, you look like a loser with these. They look bland and lifeless, like they were concocted in the same boardroom that made the flat graphic design trend that Meta and Google love so much. Hell, even notorious ip-infringer Skechers makes better looking shoes than these. They donāt even feel good to wear. They have no soul or personality and yet some people swear by them. Who are these shoes for?
Feb 16, 2025
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Like someone else said, one of the best, most freeing things is to leave the dating apps behind especially if you struggle with self esteem. I know people who have found amazing relationships from dating apps, but as a whole I believe they have done a great job at commoditizing romance and making interactions transactional; they want you to pay more money to keep swiping until your thumbs hurt. Combine that with the fact that all the major dating apps are owned by either Match Group or Bumble, data privacy concerns, and you now have an industry that treats dating like a mobile gacha game. Dating felt fun and natural for me the minute I left the apps behind. This is just my 2 cents, so take it with a grain of salt. Maybe they work for you, if so, more power to you!
Jan 21, 2025
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Join or get into doing a āsocialā form of exercise i.e a rock-climbing gym, MMA gym, yoga classes, running clubs. Just going to Planet Fitness wonāt cut it. An environment where you can easily approach others while exercising, and be able to talk like āWhat bouldering grade are you on?ā āI donāt know how to top rope, can you teach me?ā Do this and you are guaranteed to get friends.
Going out of your comfort zone and taking risks. If thereās a āsketchy barā you donāt go to but one of your friends does, ask to go with them. You get a new experience if you like it + if you hate it you donāt have to go there again!
Dress and Smell your best self. This one is subjective and exists on a slippery slope but when I started mixing my own personal flair with nice luxury fashion brands and wearing them out with friends, I noticed I would get way more attention from women (or other guys like me who like style). If you have not already invest in good fragrance/cologne, I suggest D.S DURGA and Malin + Goƫtz.
BE NICE I canāt stress this enough.
I canāt begin to explain how many people forget this especially men like me. No bro, donāt go to the bar with the intention of getting in her pants that night, just go and have a fun time and be nice. If an attractive girl (or guy) DOES walk up to you, just talk to them like you would anyone else, and keep the convo engaging. Thatās all there is to it.
Use this app. So far on this app, Iāve found only hot and cool people on here, and many are willing to share so much info about themselves like their hobbies, special interests, and advice aka what I am doing right now!
Feb 2, 2025