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outside my window the world is quieter but more awake. there is a startling rattle in the bones of the workers clutching the garbage bags lining the sidewalks and a sympathetic plea from the pups whose pads are cold and impatient.
one more day before freedom. an easy day, a slow day, a day of understanding perhaps - friday. on fridays, the day eases past. half of the office works harder, letting the tasks flow by as if exerting effort makes minutes deteriorate more quickly. the other halfs eyes strain and wait. breathing in with a sudden movement only every few minutes simply lollygagging the time away.
i find myself on the latter today - or possibly somewhere trapped in the middle. regardless the mantra rings out. thursdays are easy. they are forgiving. maybe even hopeful.
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I know that Thursdays are lowkey the November of the week, but my family holds a deep importance to Thursdays. It's because a lot of folks from my dads side of the family (including myself) were born on a Thursday. Whenever we have a new life in the family, it almost always lands on a Thursday.
Asides from the personal lore, here's what this day was like for you: you slept really well, a few hours less than usual, but woke up feeling refreshed. You took a cold shower, had a americano with your favourite yogurt with breakfast, and did some deep stretches by the window, watching the world wake up. Inevitably, there's house music playing as you're getting ready, you put on an accessory that you've put off wearing (maybe blue), and texted your mom I love you. Also inevitably, you're running toward the bus stop and barely had time to tie your shoes. You forgot your 2nd favourite lipgloss, but it's okay since you brought a new lipliner and someone complimented your outfit on the bus.
You meet your best friend for brunch, and you have some form of eggs and avocado toast. Your best friend is so warm and happy, it's like being the moon sitting across from the sun. You (once again, inevitably) spill some coffee on your outfit, but your best friend reassures you it's not noticable. You take your meds, and make a joke with the barista over the counter about adderall.
After brunch, you and your bff both go out on the town, maybe lurk around for a crystal shop and buy each other a rose quartz and lapis lazuli. You reccomend howlite for better sleep for the unassuming customer in the shop, and then you and your best friend part ways, crystal in each other's pocket.
Its around 2pm, so you grab some snacks like pinapple, mango, blueberries and strawberries for the beach. Maybe even a joint because it's west coast best coast and you're only young once. You head to the bathroom at the beach, lather up with sunscreen and take a quick mirror selfie to send to your boo. You feel the need to leave the crystal in the changing room, and then take a quick dip in the ocean. You feel high and wet and hungry, and you're so glad you bought some snacks. You get a nice tan, send an email you've been meaning to send, and play your favourite music.
Yeah, you might have laundry to fold and your room is messy from the grwm in the morning, but it feel far and a little inevitable to make it there, but be here now.
Nov 29, 2024
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I put working in air quotes because yes, do some work, but in the lightest way. eg; wake up and do the things you do to relax the mind, while thinking about the things you want to do (goals wise) - I’m doing this for first time rn but I know the logic is sound. I’m journaling, lighting palo, thinking about an organizational project I may or may not do shortly… thinking about what I can do to make Monday already feel like it has legs. Monday will be able to walk! It won’t have to repair its limbs from the weekend….
Party friday night. Recover & hang & chill Saturday. Sunday = thunder energy [organization] ⚡️✍🏼🕯️🥊🩷🏝️☁️
Jan 28, 2024
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after the most soul-destroying 10 hours of your life, the reward of the beer in the fridge at home is kind of a pillar of our entire service industry. this whole thing collapses if there's not something for the worker ant to look forward to after the tunnel is built.
i have found myself weighing up if i really need this unwinding ritual every time i return from work, uni or just seeing my parents. sometimes i do, but sometimes it's like 'nah, i'll really need this after tomorrow's thing'. then tomorrow comes around and it wasn't all that bad, repeat, ad infinitum.
suddenly the days that felt like they were designed to break you just become bumps in the road. you're home now, even if it's for like 10 hours. that's kind of enough for me nowadays
Mar 3, 2024
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i am taking back my day by morning.
i want to see people, hear people, smell the coffee being brewed. i don’t wish to interact.
i walk with no purpose, undazed, lost in the agredious hour of cold. i am a victor of escaping my canopy - my bedsheets, my boredom. the internet awaits me. my mind humbles me.
i have to work today even though i don’t want to. i long for my journal and a cold covered novel. i think of kafka, i dream of bukowski. i scrub the shower, i bask in a pastry, i weep with dried lips.
i am vigilent. i hear the crack of ice under my feet. i push my brown boots forward. i feel my gloves bundled in my pocket begging to be used. my hands are maroon and moist. my bed is made, hospital corners tucked, back in my abode. i jangle my keys between my fingers then sit mindlessly. lingering for tomorrow already.
Jan 22, 2025
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my laundry list of labels hangs above my head and trails behind my heels. the entries are daunting, extensive, calculated, and forced. i had no choice in the matter and no vote in the deliberation.
i simply was, i merely am. when i was nine, some of my nicknames frightened me. as i grew older, they emboldened me. an abbreviation of who i am or a subtle joke to who i am becoming. a quaint and affectionate disposition murmured from a loved one.
i am learning to embrace it all. i aspire to be honed into a singular, titular syllable. maybe a vowel. a sound that mimics the feelings my personna evokes. i am drenched in headlines and overwhelmed with paraphrasing - yet i encourage those that befall upon me.
what will you call me? will it roll off the tongue and past your teeth playfully? will those around you know the story behind it? the label, the noise, the creed. it won’t define, but it sure will shape. i plan to enjoy it thoroughly and turn my head in affirmation when called upon.
Jan 22, 2025