I don't want to be negative, honestly, but it's really hard to find someone who is willing to show their feelings for you. Today's dating feels like a competition: whoever shows feelings first loses, and everything falls apart.
I was in a relationship recently, and as a person who's not afraid to show emotions, I ended up spooking this guy away by showing him how much I truly cared about him. That experience not only taught me that dating apps and networking for relationships suck, but it also showed me that there’s something I need to change within myself. There’s something lacking that’s not attracting the "ideal person."
So, my advice is to first check in with yourself and ask, "Am I the person I would like to date?" Once you let that sink in, you can focus better on the type of person you would like or someone who fits within your possibilities.
It’s all about being real with yourself. If you cannot “afford” your ideal person emotionally, mentally, or otherwise, take some time off to work on yourself. I understand how the heart YEAAAARRRNS for a little smooch now and then—especially one filled with love. But we can't expect to find happiness in a relationship if we aren't the kind of person we would want to date.
I hope everyone who reads this finds their "ideal" person by February 14th. <3
Jan 27, 2025
Related Recs
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i’ve spent most of my life searching for romantic love and thinking something was wrong with me because i never got it. i prayed even though i’m not religious, i had a box filled with manifestations of the “perfect” guy under my pillow, i tried to go after guys i knew were meh because i thought u could make the love blossom, i did honey jar spells, i changed the way i looked, the way i spoke, my interests, i did EVERYTHING. this all resulted in a slew of horrendous situationships that tore down my self-esteem. after these, i definitely worked on myself and became much more confident and sure of myself, but still thought that a relationship would be the thing to make me truly happy. at 20, i had my first real boyfriend and he was “perfect”, or at least everything i thought i had ever wanted. he was attractive, tried to pay for everything, planned the most thoughtful dates, went out of his way to see me, was incredibly intelligent, kind, loyal, hardworking, took care of me when i was sick, and even respected the fact that i’m entirely celibate (like what 20 y/o guy is ok w that??). i ended up breaking up with him after a few months because i realized that a relationship was not what i actually wanted or needed, it was just what i thought about 24/7. not saying this is you, but the steps i took after our breakup might help with your situation. diversify and expand your sources of happiness/love as no one source will make you feel truly fulfilled. i started by doing 4 things: something that expanded my mind, something that earned me money, something that fulfilled me creatively, and something that fed me spiritually. for me this was college classes, a job at a restaurant, painting, hanging out with the people that i love more often, and joining a bunch of clubs at my school. i think our society places so much emphasis on romantic love, but other types, especially the love i receive from my friends has been the most unconditional and satiating. lastly, (again not saying this is you, it’s just a common reality) expecting one person to satisfy all of your need for love is not only dangerous for you (if they leave, you’ll be crushed) but also unfair to them. maybe i‘m just yapping to yap, but i hope this was helpful.
Jan 1, 2025
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The social contract of relationships and the overanalysis of the process to get there seems quasi-masochistic to me, and not in a cute way. We seek to alleviate our anxieties about being valued by another, by reducing ourselves to the object of another‘s desires through our conceptions of dating. I think there is something to be said to finding love in moments with friends and strangers. Romance isn’t about not getting ghosted, or playing a game, it’s about bearing your soul to another’s hands, and them doing the same. A real love letter can be contained within a moment, don’t waste it by waiting for the next.
Jan 21, 2024
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i don’t know you so take this with a grain of salt if it doesn’t apply to you. i’ve also never had a long-term romantic relationship so maybe i’m not the best person to listen to anyway. BUT i do have a beautiful community of long-lasting friendships which i believe has given me the skills to be successful in a future romantic partnership
i guess my point is it might be helpful to focus on developing friendships and community first. who knows, a date might come out of it too! but i’ve gone on dates with people who don’t have many friends before and it’s turned out to be a red flag cuz they haven't had experience with relationships in general
also, i've noticed the times i've most wanted to be in a relationship are times when i haven’t connected with my friends in awhile. desire for romance can be a signal for general human connection sometimes. so having a good community might fulfill some of the needs you’re feeling too. but i know it’s a different thing than being head over heels for someone… all depends on what we’re looking for i guess
all the advice on this thread is great for both dating and making friends though! i hope you find lots of meaningful connections of all kinds in the process ✨
Mar 16, 2024
Top Recs from @conconetedekoko
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I just started the process of creating my own brand in order to get serious with my carreer. I currently am pursuing a Advertising degree, and broooooooooooooooooooootheeer it sucks ass.
I feel sooo desmotivated, but I went to my therapist and DANG SHE DO MAKE GOOD USE OF MY MONEY, she told me that I could target a certain group to provide them with services. honestly I LOVE IT.
it got me excited enough to see what am lacking, and to see what am not. While am a creative type of soul, I do struggle a lot at the moment as I been working to survive and not working to grow my carreer. this si honestly awful, but so true. If you are not born in a golden spoon type of situation, you will have to push harder. Saying that, i want you to know that you can do this, and everything is possible.
Id on't have resources, period. however I'm pushing with what I can and what I have, i don't feel like a fool when am doing creative stuff but I do feel like a fool when am doing customer service dang I hate ppl honestly and a kind specifically but that's too controversial.
Anywas, I wanted to share how am literally starting a business lol, and so do you. Is ALL about the LITTLE things, belive me.
OF COURSE, i will appreciate all the support and clients you guys can provide me with jijiji but that will be for another post.
THANK YOU FOR READING < 3
Feb 12, 2025
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I just found out my crush has a gf. WHY????
who am i supposed to look foward to???? we never speak though 🤡
Jan 28, 2025
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Having a crush at work is wild. I’ve decided to keep it as just that—a crush—which means absolutely no interactions with this person. I want to stay focused at work, but let me be clear: it doesn’t make them any less BEAUTIFUL.
Sometimes, I let myself steal a glance, feeling that thrilling rush while thinking, “What if they can tell how I feel just by looking at my eyes?”And then, of course, the terrifying follow-up: “What if the answer is yes?!” It’s pure chaos in my head.
But here’s the kicker —I recently found out he has a girlfriend. When I heard that, believe me, I wanted to evaporate on the spot. But I couldn’t, because, of course, it’s just a crush 😞
So now, here I am: heartbroken over someone I’ve never spoken to and never will speak to.
Jan 28, 2025