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“maybe we should take a step back…”
that’s better than “I want to end this”, but it’s still a bummer 😂
i think its times like this where i miss the traditional way of getting into a relationship. but i also feel like from my inexperience, and my biological clock, that i need to get going and married fast. i don’t want have kids at 37 like my mom and be close to not active with them.
still enjoying my time, but like, im almost 28 with only one legit relationship on my record…
Feb 10, 2025
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i am a hopeless romantic and will take all the chances I get to keep up with relationships.
Summer 2023, i met someone in San Diego and was in contact with him for a very long time. I expected him to be a legitimate partner, maybe even have a long distance relationship, move out there and live this idyllic life in California.
Then, last June he stops messaging me. I sent him messages on and off to see how he was doing. He saw them, but never responded. Then he blocked me out of nowhere in October.
I kinda had a breakdown. I felt like I was unlovable, that he was my last chance to have a relationship with someone who had most of my wants in a future partner. I was willing to compromise so much for him, then he just went away, with no explanation.
Things got better, and I started talking to someone else who feels even more compatible with me. And I am loving this. i feel more calm with this person and i am allowed to be myself even more than I have with other men I have talked to.
Then last night, i randomly woke up to a message from the guy in San Diego.
He is a city away from me currently and I was perplexed, and angry. I told him how he hurt me, and then he wanted to talk to me about it. But i haven’t responded since.
I imagined with situations like this, at least in the movies there’s sometimes a spark of hope that shows up when the old flame returns. However, that didn’t happen last night. I was annoyed. And a bit disgusted.
Romance is a lot, but I am happy with my current situation and the love and attention I feel like I am getting, and deserve.
Jan 8, 2025
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I’m in a better place in my life, I manage to make a solid connection with someone that I can really see myself progressing with (romantically), and life still manages to get in the way. Shout out to you, universe. I understand, but I’m… yeah… Idk.
We still have a solid connection of course and I will always cherish it, but this sucks lol. Maybe we’ll revisit this again in the future. It feels silly but I just really thought that this was it.
Jan 17, 2025
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The social contract of relationships and the overanalysis of the process to get there seems quasi-masochistic to me, and not in a cute way. We seek to alleviate our anxieties about being valued by another, by reducing ourselves to the object of another‘s desires through our conceptions of dating. I think there is something to be said to finding love in moments with friends and strangers. Romance isn’t about not getting ghosted, or playing a game, it’s about bearing your soul to another’s hands, and them doing the same. A real love letter can be contained within a moment, don’t waste it by waiting for the next.
Jan 21, 2024
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Feb 10, 2025
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As a child growing up with brothers and as the fat black kid, i never considered myself feminine. Even when i lost weight in middle school and went to an all girls high school, looking girly or being more “feminine” was just not something i thought about.
I feel like recently, i wanted to explore that more, as this pull to dress and appear more feminine has become super strong. Having a house to decorate in any way I can, actually starting to feel better about my body to wear skirts again, etc has really influenced me. But my fears are that it may portray trad wife or child’s play; I’m nervous of stares or being questioned about my views if i were to give such a strong appearance of a girly woman.
But some of my inspirations have been strolling through vintage creators and small japanese insta accounts with super pink and fluffy aesthetics.
Hopefully i will build up the courage
Jan 5, 2025
1d ago