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🎧

a reverie or three

i haven’t been sleeping very well lately. i’ve gotten into the routine of napping around 5:30, waking up at 8:30, going back to bed at 2. i’ve been in a rut lately too. academically, intellectually. i think i, ironically, have forgotten just how to be. let me tell you about my day tomorrow. i got this starburst flavored c4 that im excited to drink, and ive started to write poetry in french, which, is funny, given the level to which i speak the language really only allows me to say profound things like “ i love to go to the butchery “ but its relaxing. i am allowed to just be. be bad at poetry. not understand french repetition, or linguistics. i am a novice, and i am just that. i see my girlfriend tomorrow, i’m excited to spend the night, it’s been a hot minute since ive gotten to lay next to her. i miss her bed, and her stuffed animals. she has this one- she calls it Wolfie. it’s a really sweet story, actually. she had two of the identical little plushies - and the only differentiation was that Wolfie, god bless, had a distinctive smell to him. she saw this very, when you take into account they were otherwise exactly the same, minuscule little trait, which for her was enough for them to truly be individual. we have plans, valentine’s day plans, but she won’t tell me what. i hate surprises, truly, but i love her. shes taught me to appreciate a lot of the things i hated, like mannequin pussy emo bands pda ambition and i do now, without a doubt, love these things with all my heart. i think it’s normal to hate things you feel you’re not good at, or other people are better at. i can’t ride a bike. i put off driving for a year. and it makes me so insecure. i think the people around me love to give me the benefit of the doubt. that i am smart, capable, confident but it is easy to be smart capable and confident in your own element, especially when that element allows you to communicate your insecurities, it becomes a paradox. to communicate is to not - and the absence of communication is communication within itself. my sister was angry at me today, and she said “molly, you’re not any smarter than me, you just talk better.” and i really do wonder if she was right i wanna tell you guys about a new artist ive been researching. alex colville. he (painted from the 50s to the 70s, but the pretty large consensus actually) opinion is that they look a lot like 2000s early graphics. this one isn’t my favorite - just the most illustrative. i’ll post it in the morning. ( i love promises like that ) i like it. it makes me itchy, nervous, like i’m back on the sims 3 and clicked the speed up button and cried and cried because my sims would never get those four hours back.

@22

Feb 13, 2025

🩻

i am what remains of all which i have ever loved

and all that has loved me, dead or alive. humanity is such a fragile thing, cherish it, squint at the sun, be happy for your friends and their wins, be happy for yourself and your wins, be happy for the people smiling across the street. don’t waste the miniscule, unimportant, tiny fraction of a cosmic second that is our lifetime being an asshole. love everyone and love yourself i love love i give love and i receive it. i love my surroundings, my bed, my family who i come home to every day, my mom and dad who do so much for me, my sister who is always there for me and has been my best friend for life, my pets (come home stevie, we miss you), access to food and water, my friends who i truly cherish, nature, the wind and the breeze, music, oh the music of life how the birds chirp and the streams swell and fall and dance around the wet earth guiding the arrival to the calm rivers, the vast waterfalls, the sun and moon, eternally locked in a neverending dance that gives us another day, a fresh start. my silly little device that connects me with everyone in a second, and i can talk to my friends and say hi and that i love them i actually love everyone i’m sorry is that a problem? i love how everyone looks so different and how everyone is living a vivid life and has problems and situations as complex as mine (there’s a word for that i think) and i love how everyone has different scars and birth marks and hair and eyes and i love how everyone acts a little different and has their own personality and spin on things and i love art and how being is an art in and of itself, to exist is to persist. i love how i can give back to my community, i love volunteering it makes me so emotional when i’m finished because i love helping whenever i can i’m not trying to sound self righteous or anything. i love pushing my body to its limits in sport, i love running and i love dancing so so much i love moving my body and creating art in synchronicity with music. i love water, the beach, sand, i love lakes, sunsets, that feeling of silence but not loneliness. i love being outside and just sitting, no thoughts, just wanting to live out a moment forever. but i also love living past that moment and living another moment and another and soon i will post this and then 8 months later look back on this and smile and love it. i actually am ok and it’s all going to be ok and i love you and everything

@huxsid

5d ago

6

⚜️

a poem i wrote

there are things i think are weird  but it’s not that they are actually  weird  it’s that they are unusual  or they bring me a new perspective — one that i’m not so used to — like seeing an orange tractor on the side of the road  surrounded by three men in orange  construction suits  in the middle of the french countryside  or the fact that  at the beach yesterday, the foggy glimpse of land, the island we could see in the distance was the british island of jersey. it made me think about how the world is really so small  and that we, humans, are the ones  that make it seem so big and  vast.  we are the ones that over complicate over think over populate  over build over use  over dignify ourselves  when we are just merely visitors in this never ending universe. and somehow, in some  situations that idea is  safety and  comfort. it’s refreshing  to know that as messy and as complicated  our lives are, none of it  actually matters. because if nothing matters, we can get away with a lot. we can be mean and  crazy and stupid  and in love  and happy and hungry for more and sad  and lively and alone.  but then i remember that “we are not a drop in the ocean we are the ocean in a drop” and we don’t have to pretend that our  emotions are meaningless  and that our lives aren’t meant to be lived  and we aren’t meant to be thought about and  cared for and loved.  the things we feel are real and they hurt. they are painful.  they are beautiful.  they stay and they pass.  just like the fog that covers up jersey — just like the tractor on the side of the road — just like us.

@sunflowerlady

Jan 4, 2025

Top Recs from @22

🕷

Born to be terrified

I've been told that people in the army do more by 7:00 AM than I do in an entire day, but if I wake at 6:59 AM and turn to you to trace the outline of your lips with mine, I will have done enough and killed no one in the process. - 6:59 AM by Shane Koyczan we take love for granted, and i do more than anyone. i find it so beautiful that there is one pair of flesh and bones and eyes and a mouth that truly do belong at the top of the hierarchy. she is perfection and love in itself, and i remind myself that to be stagnant to unproductive may never be my fate if my day is long spent loving her.

@22

Feb 11, 2025

6

😃

i wake to another morning

as i promised -

@22

Feb 13, 2025

1

🎙

the world is over

i forgot my headphones at home. i was about to either 1) pump black country new road 2) watch brooklyn 99. i miss being passionate about things, not being able to sleep, eat, speak, or fathom anything beyond the apple of my eye and the fruit of my thoughts. i miss waking up with one thing in mind, how i would explore it that day, and how i would explore it the next it’s been people it’s been sewing guitar driving religion philosophy photography writing filming blogging i think, regardless of any tik tok data explosion with the intention of ripping out each of my brain cells to keep me submissive and docile because of a wrecked attention span, i’m not a girl of her commitments- i get bored. and i am bored. i feel this lack of passion so deeply in my body, its been a catalyst for the recent crashouts ive had ( and there’s been plenty) i don’t know how to stay, and work hard, and allow myself to grow to what i want to be right in this instance. not to shine my own shoes, but i’m not super used to being bad at things. i’ve always always always coasted, and now that im trying to be a gaf (give a fuck) filled girl, ive realized, sucking at something hurts a lot more when you’ve put in the work to be good at it. if it wasn’t me writing this, and my best friend called me and told me this word for word, i would tell her how normal that feeling was, and that she herself knew what to do; commit. and that is my advice, dear sweet amalia, commit, commit, commit.

@22

Feb 18, 2025

6