kudos for sharing!! i really feel this too. i think personally, i’ve struggled a lot to try over a weird disregard for consistency, as if having a structure or a routine would somehow make my activities/work/hobbies less enjoyable.
consistency in my head has always implied stagnation. but really, that’s also the outcome of this burnout that happens when life is chaotic and not consistently focused. to avoid that, i’ve tried to build community around my goals !! i think talking with other people about what i do helps me to keep it feeling organic, even as i try to stay consistent and end up suffering through the same steps over and over again. it helps me not to run away from making the mistakes you need to progress at anything. i guess via making it tangible ?
Feb 18, 2025
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I also used to (and still) struggle with routines and consistency. I think I perceive routines as behaviours and actions that curb my freedom and I hate that. So recently I stopped calling it routines and started thinking of certain behaviours as rituals that I do to enrich my life.
Strangely it's made me look forward to doing them and there's no pressure or shame if I forget to do it one time. A ritual is special and additive. A routine is just so blah.
Also just accept you suck at routines and aim for continuation rather than consistency. To err is to be human, but what matters is that we continue doing it.
Nov 8, 2024
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I have the worst fear of staying in one place for too long (both literally & metaphorically) but I think what’s even more dangerous than that is the desire to stay in that rut forever even though it’s not serving you !! That happens to me because I’m so scared of failing or to be seen trying for something but not reaching it in the end.
I am feeling so inspired after coming home from a concert & I am allowing myself to bask in that sense of renewal !! Like wow it’s okay that I want to write again despite not doing so for months now! It’s okay that I’m getting into photography again after not honouring my commitment to practise it in the past few months! I am learning more and more from personal experience + observation that some doors only open at the right time and there are times when the right thing to do is to actively pursue something, while there are times when we have to sit still + wait and see
Jul 17, 2024
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feels very trite and toxic positivity-y but (at least for me) i think the problem is feeling pulled in too many different directions with not enough capacity / agency to make meaningful progress in any / all of them; that’s when acedia, anhedonia, et al set in
the solution is to just pick one thing that’s easy, and constantly address it. then do that with another thing. maybe a bigger thing after that. and so on until you’ve re-built (or in my case, built for the first time) trust in yourself that the things you want to, need to, and are capable of doing you will / are doing
throughput is really important, seeing the fruits of your labor is the only reason to keep planting seeds so you just gotta start with stuff that will gratify you enough to keep going (also for me, getting diagnosed + medicated + effective talk therapy-d were all instrumental to this realization / process if that’s something you can / want to look into)
Mar 21, 2024
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Feb 18, 2025
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i dislike that we can't count on time to always feel the same. obviously there's no changing that but how am i supposed to come up with a routine that works for me in all seasons ??? i want to be able to count on sunlight, to expect it and expect a day to feel like a day. then, maybe i could feel happier in owning how i change from day to day. what is the answer to experiencing ?
Jan 16, 2025
i'd be lying if i said today (dst) i wasn't so happy with the clock change. now, i'm no fan of the unnecessary hassle... but i love sunlight!! today i was 21 and i cut up tomatoes and had so much fun, taking in this strange new sunlight as the daffodils wilted and i thought about last night, when we all went clubbing. yes to longer days!!
3d ago