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i really need to work on my overly intense fear of abandonment... the fact that my immediate thought is that someone is mad at me and is going to leave me if they don't look at/like my story is ridiculous especially considering the fact that this person would rather die than hurt me :/ so hard to unlearn after years of being in that state of mind.
Feb 19, 2025
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because I simply know too much. But I do also fear that faeries will entice me into their world and I’ll forget that I shouldn’t eat their food because it looks so good and then I’ll become trapped there forever.
In my first appointment with my beloved former therapist I told her I don’t like to keep a diary because what if my work is published posthumously against my will like Emily Dickinson or Franz Kafka and she went ‘hmm imagined audience’ as she scribbled notes.
Every time I feel an unfamiliar sensation in my body I have to talk myself down from thinking I’m dying but I’ve gotten pretty skilled at beating that one back.
I’m still pretty afraid of ovens to this day after seeing my mom light her hair on fire while pulling a turkey out—TWICE!
Apr 23, 2024
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moving to a random area where i don’t know anyone. all i can think about is i need to learn how to give myself the heimlich. just throwing myself into a table or some shit.
Sep 19, 2024
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failure has been a huge motivating and hindering force in my life
my fear of failure is so debilitating some times i cant even get out of bed
i have been working on it for years
i am so much better than i was before but its still there
always will be
like this scary thing in the corner of my room watching and waiting for me to fuck up
Jun 1, 2024
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i like to think of my ocd as a silly little guy in my head who's just super scared of everything and that helps me ratonalize a little bit when the instrusive thoughts get too out of hand. it's fine little guy ur gonna be ok i love u
Feb 19, 2025
being seen and appreciated for who i am rather than being kept around out of convenience has truly been one of the most life changing things for me recently. i now have the confidence to use my discernment and make decisions about what is unnecessary and unwanted in my life.
thinking about the difference in my quality of life makes me so emotional, i’m just feeling so many things at once. i’m happy but i feel like my youth has been spent feeling subhuman and unworthy. from now on i will love. i will surround myself with it at all times.
Feb 17, 2025
Feb 17, 2025