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i love love love kpop so much but for the last two years ive sorta pushed it aside and at some points gone months without listening to it at all... ill still listen to new skz but thats it, i havent really listened to anyone else's new music since 2023. now im shuffling my 69-hours-long kpop playlist and every single song is insanely nostalgic to me 😭 a lot of how im feeling right now is probably the nostalgia but GOD I JUST LOVE KPOP SO MUCH. it was my main biggest interest from 2021-2023 it was genuienly all i cared about and it may sound stupid but all my favorite groups, skz, drippin, bts, free pass, twice.. they were there for me back when i had genuinely zero friends and nobody in my life who cared what i had to say. so how could i not feel the strongest emotional connection to them and their music ? sure it sounds parasocial but its what kept me alive back then and thats worth more than you could ever cringe at.
anyway, hearing all these songs that were the only things keeping me going every day now that i am a healed person with lovely friends who i love so much and a genuinely amazing living situation that i used to hope for while crying myself to sleep ... its such a beautiful feeling.
and everything that is beautiful should make you happy, but it is always sad as well. im sad because i love this music and i love the people who made it with my entire heart. and now i feel like a traitor to them. i have spent over a year ignoring anything that happened in the realm of korean music not because i decided to turn on it but because i simply found other interests. so why do i feel selfish and evil for finding new things to love just as much ? maybe because i feel there is no other thing i could feel as emotionally affected by as i do by kpop. and i know i sound stupid saying this because (especially to people who dont like kpop) because "its just some random pop music from a different country", or maybe im making up these voices because im still scarred by what people said to me when i was more open about my love for kpop.
in any case, im just having a lot of big feelings right now. felt the need to get them out in one way or another, so that all these words dont sit in my mind with nowhere to go for too long. i know too well how that ends up making me feel in the end.
Feb 23, 2025
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i genuinely feel the exact same way! i got really into kpop 2020-2023 when i was at the lowest point in life and it meant so much to me - I kind of stopped listening for a bit but recently i’ve gotten back into it and it’s just so satisfying to realise that all my favourite songs still hold up
danielalala thank you for sharing 🥹 makes me feel so happy to know im not alone in how i feel, especially since its such a niche experience.
yeah so...
love, maybe by melomance just made me totally burst into tears.
and the fact that i still remembered all the words when i literally havent heard this song in at least two years made me just that much more emotional. even if you dont like kpop plz give it a listen its a beautiful song
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I’ve always had this fascination to emotion as a concept. Of course because everyone feels it every day of their life, but more of how encapsulating it can be. I watch films and hear stories and listen to songs and I come to find myself jealous?
Jealous of how pure and raw others experiences are. Why can’t I feel the agony of losing someone, why can’t I feel the devastation of a death, why can’t I lose a friend. It sounds so starkly idiotic because why would anyone want to feel such devastating things, and I’ve asked myself this a lot, part of me thinks it’ll draw more stories to tell in my life, but I think the truth of the matter is that to live is to feel. And I really want to live my life for all that it can bring me.
I write all this not to distract myself from the reality that I have in fact felt such great pain in my life. However, I always lust for more. This also feels like such a blatant explanation for my love of movies, I always feel so drawn into my love for film for it’s ability to snatch my mind away from my life and place it into another’s. My favourite films are those that have made me cry, because as painful as it is I just can’t help but love it. My favourite film is common knowledge but Call Me by Your Name draws me into such a chokehold each time I watch it because of the devastation I feel upon every watch. I never rewatch films but with it I can’t help it, because it always and forever will make me catatonic.
Anyways, I am leaving my point, my point is I am currently in a swarm of emotions from my own life and it is everything I have prayed and asked for while also not being it at all. I feel such an irresistible compulsion to break down and cry, and then I do, but I find myself listening to music and reading texts that only encourage and swell the emotional climax of these tears. In moments where I find myself urged to move on for the betterment of my day, all I can help but think about is someone I care so deeply for moving away. However, is it immature to want to move on? Why must I shun myself from these emotions. After all despite how painful it is, I find myself searching for this pain again and again.
Because to yearn is to be in pain, and to be in pain is to feel, and to feel is to live.
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if you cant lay on the floor and stare at the ceiling and let it out to al green and otis redding and etta james and all the other beautiful things you used to send back and forth and listen to together, then what’s the point? to be human is to hurt so so good, isn’t it? you know that it comes and goes in waves, so may as well let the tide wash over you while it’s in. what youre crying over doesnt exist anymore but isn‘t it at least a little glorious to have the memory of love? to know that you were once lucky enough for someone to feel that way about you? and to know that the one thing about love is that it always always comes back around, sooner or later? be ready for it when it does! one day listening to soul will make you cry in a good way again
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I’ve been having a hard time lately and I really wanted to abandon the day but instead I’m saying hello to the bus driver with pink puffy eyes I’m letting tears fall freely onto the park bench I’m staring despondently out the sandwich shop window
It’s not about romanticizing your sadness. It’s actually not about you at all. It’s about the unusually colored pigeon and the dad and son throwing a football while they walk down the street and hearing Chaka Khan’s My Love is Alive blaring from a modded 2003 Honda civic that will, even if it’s just briefly, pull you out of the cave.
Allow your feelings to interact with the world. Find reminders of what life was, is, and can be beyond and within these feelings.
Go for a walk, enjoy the taste of your salty tears, and when you’re ready, lay down in the grass until you’re itchy enough to remember there are sensations other than this dull ache. Then buy yourself an impracticality large bottle of water. Maybe go see a movie by yourself.
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so epic i get to experience a range of human experience by feeling different genders day to day but also crushes your soul when you dont feel boy enough or girl enough or neutral enough. its so changing that nothing i do especially to my appearance is ever good enough to make me still feel good about it later when my gender feels completely different. but also i shouldnt complain on here, i came to this website to look on the bright side of life and find things to uplift me. so maybe ill come back and stop complaining when i find a way to please my near constant dysphoria. just felt like shouting into a void idk.
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