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you

I don't like pain. I've spent much of my life trying to avoid pain, reduce pain, mitigate pain. Many hours have been wasted on efforts to distract, ignore, escape, and numb. But lately I'm accepting that it can't be avoided. Pain will always be with me—us—in one form or another. Loss, grief, wounds from family, betrayal by friends, sickness, misunderstanding, the whole world one great glorious minefield for pain. And pain is also often an indicator, a teacher, a directional arrow. (Not always. Sometimes it is a terrible guide.) But I ignore its lessons at my peril! So. How then do I live so as not to be crushed? Perhaps: us. We're going to hurt, so let us hurt in community. Not to swim in the muck of self-pity, wallowing as perpetual victims unable to escape the morass of circumstance, but as co-sufferers whose companionship gives hope. We lament together and hurt together and its really awful but then I dry your tears and you dry mine and there's strength in your eyes and in my words and we dust off and link arms and stumble forward.

@mattshawsome

Dec 15, 2024

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Being visibly sad in public

I’ve been having a hard time lately and I really wanted to abandon the day but instead I’m saying hello to the bus driver with pink puffy eyes I’m letting tears fall freely onto the park bench I’m staring despondently out the sandwich shop window  It’s not about romanticizing your sadness. It’s actually not about you at all. It’s about the unusually colored pigeon and the dad and son throwing a football while they walk down the street and hearing Chaka Khan’s My Love is Alive blaring from a modded 2003 Honda civic that will, even if it’s just briefly, pull you out of the cave. Allow your feelings to interact with the world. Find reminders of what life was, is, and can be beyond and within these feelings.  Go for a walk, enjoy the taste of your salty tears, and when you’re ready, lay down in the grass until you’re itchy enough to remember there are sensations other than this dull ache. Then buy yourself an impracticality large bottle of water. Maybe go see a movie by yourself. 

@bashfulchicken

May 4, 2024

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when sad, one is creative

there’s something strange about the headAche that follows a good cry. it lingers. an aching reminder that the tEars were real. that the sadness was deep. the thrObbing in my temPles feels like a weight. but also a strange clarity. when everything seems blurred and raw. the mind is sharp in a way it’s neVer been before. it’s as though the heart and tHe mind have found a rhythm together. a rhythm that only comes with the quiet aftermath of pain. it’s during this vulnerability - when tHe world feels heavy and silent that creativity flows best. when sadness wears away the surface - the soul has space to create without barriers. there’s honesty in it, a kind of bruTal truth that can only emerge from the deepest emotions. the ache. thouGh painful. clears the path for something new to emErge. it’s almost as if the sorrow is the soil for growth, and from it, idEas sprout and twist. but i kNow that this isn’t forever. the headache will fade, and with it, the weight of tears. what once felt overWhelming will soften. moments are just the prelude to something better. the clouds will break. there will be space for the light to return.

@majapapaya

Feb 22, 2025

Top Recs from @FelixCore

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TRACK OF THE DAY #1

I have decided to do a track of the day. Not every day. But days where a specific song makes me go UGHHHH. And today! It is The Moon by The Microphones This song always tickles my brain in an existential but calming way. Would 10/10 recommend!!!

@FelixCore

Mar 5, 2025

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Listening to music before bed

I know it’s a fairly common thing but I’ve recently come so fond of listening to two or three songs before I go to bed. In a way that I kind of just stare at the wall and think of the day and contemplate but I can’t help but feel (I know this sounds dumb) that it’s these like end credits to a really lovely movie. Except it’s my day?!! I dunno very dumb. I sometimes try to fall asleep with this music playing in my ears or behind my head tucked beneath the pillow so I can prolong this like climactic emotional expression to capstone the day. It always frustrates me when I eventually do have to sleep, turn the music off, and go off to dream in the quiet ambience of my room. My brain does sometimes keep the music blasting even without my earphones though which is very kind. Music I feel justifies all these things happening in my life. As if it doesn’t hold value if the songs I listen to aren’t played. It’s like you watch a movie that you just love and sorta sit in awe as the credits roll and the music swells. That’s how I feel about my day most nights! At least lately that is. Really lovely music squeezing my brain into an appreciative analysing ritual of the day. I’m just yapping at this point but I can definitely attribute this to always having this deep urge for my life to amount to something worth telling a story about. I watch so many amazing movies and I think it would be such a waste to have the only amazing experiences I witness come from outside my life. Soooooooooo #romanticiseyourownlife I guess?? Just felt the need to express it. I had a good wall watching session just then listening to Broken Social Scenes album ‘You Forgot It In People’ (too many bangers) and I couldn’t help but speak my mind about it :)

@FelixCore

Feb 17, 2025

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Talking but not how you want to

I’ve had this issue for a while where I’m in this situation where it’s either a group setting and or one on one where I can never seem to say the right things. I’m sure it’s very common but it’s so frustrating! Like no matter how hard I try everything that leaves my mouth seems to come from a place of trying to draw a reaction instead of a thought. It’s my mouth being evil and talking for me. I feel it comes out most in settings where there is a new person or someone cool but you can’t address them as you are in a group. Whether that be someone who you don’t know much about but are curious about, or someone you have once had a good conversation with but now are burdened to accomodate smaller conversation bursts and light quips because groups are to share conversations not really divide into multiple? I dunno maybe it’s me being silly, I just get agitated by meaningless joking that never falls into a more hearty conversation. It’s like conversational edging AGGHHH. It’s like having this totally awesome sandwich in front of you but only being allowed to have one bite every 20 minutes And it’s also like the being perceived of it? Like if someone does break off into a side convo it’s always “hmmm what are they talking about”. I always come out of situations like this feeling so lame because I was the funny quip guy for the night and not the damn I learnt so many cool stories off that guy guy. Can’t a man yearn a yap DAYUM

@FelixCore

Feb 20, 2025