i have been in situations where it felt like i needed to be the better person for others to think im not hurt. times when i needed to be around people who hurt me really bad in life.
what i learned from that is, some people will never do you dirty again. others will 😂 and when i catch who will hurt me again, i keep them at a distance and don’t invest energy into maintaining anything.
forgiveness should not be guaranteed, and its difficult to have people come in your ear to say you need to forgive in order to move on. no you need ti just set boundaries around people who hurt you and move forward with it. there are so many people back in my college days where mutually things were so bad. will i apologize and forgive them? probably not ill just distance myself from those people and they become an afterthought.
3d ago
Related Recs
🧩
some people do things that are truly unforgivable and only time will heal the pain that those things caused because with time comes memory loss.
for the petty things, they usually don’t know or care that they’re not forgiven and holding onto the thing they did only hurts you because you’re reliving what they did and they probably aren’t.
i’ve forgiven a lot of people for shitty things they’ve done, that doesn’t mean i’ll ever speak to them again. forgiving isn’t always making up with the person, it’s making mental peace with the issue.
4d ago
😵
What you allow in your life (ie poor behavior, bigotry, inconsideration, etc.),
you‘re subconsciously saying this behavior is ok. I know, I know. ”But what does it say about me if I am not accepting of others?”
In the grand scheme, you’re saying “I’m ok with people treating those I care about like shit.“
This is a hard one to learn. I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes, that same benefit of the doubt is enabling flat out shitty people to keep being shitty people.
So what do you do? You want to make sure everyone feels cared for? Start with yourself. The next time that one friend who says everything that’s on their mind hurts your feelings, tell them. watch How they react. Watch if they do it again. And decide from there. Because at the end of the day, you aren‘t obligated to keep people in your life, whatever the reason.
Jan 29, 2025
🫂
first things first: u never have to forgive someone if u don’t want to. sometimes there is no reason to not move on from a situation, but that’s still your right. you should take all the time u need to make peace with urself and what happened.
my dad once told me that the worst thing you can do to urself is to wish someone else ill will. giving ur energy and thoughts to a situation or person in a way that doesn’t help you process what happened, but only serves to make u upset, is a disservice to urself and ur time. u deserve to be happy and u deserve peace.
look of it as a way of letting go of the negative thoughts and emotions that that situation causes u. forgiving someone doesn’t necessarily mean ur justifying what they did, but instead respecting ur right to be happy. u can forgive someone and still not continue that relationship with them. seeing forgiveness as a way to allow urself to grow past a situation and not define urself by it, instead of as a mandatory ritual after someone has wronged you, has helped me to move past people and situations that have hurt me and kept me from growing.
5d ago
Top Recs from @chiawase_
Feb 10, 2025
👗
As a child growing up with brothers and as the fat black kid, i never considered myself feminine. Even when i lost weight in middle school and went to an all girls high school, looking girly or being more “feminine” was just not something i thought about.
I feel like recently, i wanted to explore that more, as this pull to dress and appear more feminine has become super strong. Having a house to decorate in any way I can, actually starting to feel better about my body to wear skirts again, etc has really influenced me. But my fears are that it may portray trad wife or child’s play; I’m nervous of stares or being questioned about my views if i were to give such a strong appearance of a girly woman.
But some of my inspirations have been strolling through vintage creators and small japanese insta accounts with super pink and fluffy aesthetics.
Hopefully i will build up the courage
Jan 5, 2025
😃
i saw something a tad bit politically upsetting this morning through a reposted TikTok, and when i looked up the story in the news, what the TikTok said about this political issue could not be substantiated, but only implied and rumored.
I’m kinda peeved because short form media has really allowed people to become media illiterate and spread things that are either lies or unsupported claims, because they know people aren’t going to read a 3-4 paragraph article on a news site and disseminate information on their own.
Something I have learned in therapy is to kinda look at more things in life as neutral, and not go into black and white thinking before making a decision. Take time to act on something (when it’s possible) and take things at face value most days. Being in an elevated state of emotion when doing something is not usually good.
I just wish other people could do that today, because sometimes it feels like I’m the only person in my realm who can.
Jan 26, 2025