Rec | LONLINESS!

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Rec'd on 🩲 How to stop feeling like i have to be niche & cultured

A straightforward answer to the question "why do some people sometimes like to connect over niche things, specifically," is that people sometimes feel lonely, they crave connection with other people, and one of the best ways to experience connection is to share a common interest. When the interest is niche, the feeling of connection is amplified. Let me explain. Originally I enjoy a thing (good), but it's niche, so I enjoy it alone (bad). When I share it, I get connection (good), but I also get to enjoy it with someone, which means I no longer enjoy it alone (good). Basically, enjoying something niche specifically comes with the curse of loneliness, but the curse can be annihilated if I'm lucky enough to find someone else with the curse. On the other hand, enjoying something mainstream does not come with the curse of loneliness, but it also doesn't have the same potential energy as a niche thing. I think some of your bitterness can be explained as follows. When you see people connect over niche things it can amplify your own loneliness, because they are sharing connection that you cannot participate in because you don't share the interest. The good news is that there are so many other ways of connecting besides sharing niche interests, and so it's ok that you don't share them. Also it feels good to share mainstream interests too! So connect with drake fans over your enjoyment of his music! And if you want to connect with someone who doesn't like drake, looks for other ways to connect! And if someone is toxic about your interests, avoid them!

@bennywahwah

3d ago

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@beepboopbap

this made me think some thoughts. i have been contemplating this especially in recent times, and the way u said it illuminated to me. i wonder if the (bad) of enjoying the thing alone has a lot to do with anxiety and ultimately low self confidence. of course we are social creatures and connection will make us feel good, and saying we can be completely free and unburdened of this, doing our own thing, may often not be true. but I have recently realized I could get a hell of a lot closer than I am now to truly embracing my own weirdness, delving into my interests, in a way that doesn’t provide indie social clout. i think I have had really low confidence for a long time but tricked myself into thinking otherwise because it’s much easier to blame the narrative makers (e.g. guitar boys in the local scene at my high school, ethereally cool and indirectly mean co-op girls/gays) than it is to stop giving in to the narrative. ultimately we will live with the narrative of what taste is and what interests are valid either way so the only way thru seems to be non-attachment & foundation in self and joy. idk tell me ur thoughts

3d ago

@beepboopbap

@BEEPBOOPBAP also to add that I have strongly felt validation in friendships when we connect on these niche things specifically. and the friendships where that happens the most have ended because I think, in a state of insecurity, they are bound to fail. but i feel in a more secure state that could feel different. again idk tell me ur thoughts

3d ago

@beepboopbap

@BEEPBOOPBAP ok last note is I realize I got off the initial premise here but I do agree with the initial thesis of more niche as more meaningful human connection. so maybe where the anxiety comes into play is that we crave that perceived degree of niche connection, and thus crave being into certain socially valued special interests. ok now thoughts

3d ago

@bennywahwah

@BEEPBOOPBAP so funny, I wrote so much more than what i posted in response to this then decided to keep this response "short" and im banging out a big ass post on main tackling some of what u brought up. so i also have much thoughts too :)

3d ago

@beepboopbap

@BENNYWAHWAH yay logan thoughts!! who knows it I could have had these without papa pi.fyi 🧎‍➡️

3d ago

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Befriend the people with "niche" interests

by your ask it seems that you had a few share of bad experiences with people with so called niche interests, and though there are assholes everywhere I do recommend having a few friends with very specific interests. Something I like to keep in mind is that my interests are not fixed, in fact in most cases it's something that it's shared and developed among a community of people. i've introduced my friends to some of their favorite music, and there are tv series I've only watched because my mom suggested to. I'm not a film buff by far, and I have met a lot of annoying ones, but some of my most beloved friends are really into films, and dedicate a good time of their lives to their hooby. I love listening to them talk, and learn about the effort they go through to watch a specific movie, sometimes they have to test lots of torrents or find a physical copy in most random place in the world. Lucky for me, because of them I don't have to commint the same energy, they share their drives with me, invite me to festivals I had no ideia existed etc. I don't like nor watch everything, but it's so nice when we leave a movie theatre and exchange our different perspectives. All of this to say that you don't have to prove yourself when it comes to your interests because all knowledge is shared, the world is yours to discover at your own pace with the people you enjoy the most.

@nanabo

Feb 11, 2025

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Ppl want to feel special i guess

Tbh I would say it comes down to that. SOME People feel a sense of superiority or pride with Liking obscure things I guess. My advice is to own it, and just enjoy what you like. Compared to other people I see on this app, as well as me growing up, I’m realizing that I am very basic and mainstream in my tastes and with what I like. Just have fun, who cares anyways?

@pbandj15

Feb 11, 2025

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Liking popular music

It’s ok to be “basic” sometimes. Popular album, songs, and artists are popular for a reason!!! I’m kinda over the whole social judgment of liking very popular stuff. The desperate need to have individually and uniqueness is so exhausting to see, sometimes you can just like stuff because you like it!! Let people like things!!!!