I linked a rec I made over a year ago about deleting hinge and dating the old fashioned way. have I been on a single date since then? nope. do I stand by what I said? absolutely.
I’m still convinced that the apps aren’t perfect, and while they might work for some people they’re kind of a necessary evil at best. without them, it’s hard to put yourself in contexts where meeting someone organically is possible. and even then, within those contexts the meeting has to be just that: organic. it takes time. it takes being in places/situations regularly where you think you’ll meet people who share your interests/values. it also takes a bit of effort to initiate those interactions, and also fate that someone might initiate something with you.
the apps are a convenient, quick fix, instant gratification solution to the issue in that they will get you dates, but in exchange for quantity you may sacrifice on quality. things of quality have no fear of time, though. waiting to encounter someone who is a good fit and in a good phase of life to be what you need and vice versa is going to take time. and if you work a 9-5 like I do, you’re going to have to invest in putting yourself in situations to meet people in your free time. or just do what I do and develop crushes on your superiors in the workplace that are doomed to never be realized because of HR protocol. i’d advise against the latter, though.
1d ago
Related Recs
Wouldn’t say I’m desperate, but I’m actively interested in a relationship, trying to move on from a past too complicated and dark to describe on here, but I feel that having that bond with someone and making endlessly fun memories would be a huge benefit, as well as sharing a part of yourself with someone who’s really special and deserving of it.
I know I’m not that bad-looking of a guy, but I haven’t really had much luck on the apps, tried to curtail my profile to be more appearing, whole nine yards. It’s getting to be a bummer.
Should I ditch the app and just let fate take its course?
Feb 16, 2025
❤️
im gonna ramble for a second. i have a real distaste for dating apps, but despite this i still don’t delete them. a small part of me thinks it’ll work out in my favor one day. but shoutout the loyal storylikers i’ve gained from failed hinge talking stages hahaha… i have a very loose definition of ‘type’ in terms of physicality, and even then someone physicality is never a deal breaker. usually. i don’t think i am meant to meet people this way. and i think a lot of people also say this so i am not original in this feeling, but i think i need to fall in love with a friend, someone that there is already a baseline compatibility with, a mutual appreciation already there. all the fanfic i read as a kid was a friends to lovers trope! and i think it works for a reason. that being said its scary to become friends with someone and then think your feelings are further than platonic, because now its hard to decipher between what could be deliberately flirty or just like. your standard hang ykno? i still have never successfully deciphered this so i don’t wanna stand on my soapbox and act like i have any real expertise. just thinking out loud. i’ve been kinda lonely recently and everyone around me has been getting into relationships, this venus retrograde is no joke haha. and the added nuance to the lesbian dating experience, ive been feeling more isolated than usual. sorry this one’s a bummer a little!!! maybe i should stick to album / song reviews
20h ago
🪦
I’ll be candid here. I hate the dating app. I hate myself when I use the dating app. I hate the cutesy little prompts, I hate MARKETING myself. I hate the people on the dating apps, and I hate myself even more for hating these people, because they’re probably good people just looking for connection just like me. “Just like me.” How disgusting. Just acknowledging that right there fills me up with this acid reflux bile that I can’t shake. The dating app is inherently antisocial. I don’t care that it’s the norm now, that doesn’t magically make it prosocial. You know what else is a norm right now? Mass insemination of cattle via automated semen guns shooting frozen seed into these poor cows that have never seen the light of day, that can’t begin to fathom the complex constructed around shooting frozen seed into their cow uteruses so they can give birth to calves that they will never nurse. Taking those calves & chaining them to the ground from the moment they’re born so their meat is tender when they are turned into veal.
20 years ago the idea of meeting people on the internet was rightfully scorned as the pursuit of perverts & malcontents. The ”match” system, trying to offload the pain of rejection to this incredibly diffuse open market where you only get feedback if it’s positive. It’s all so cowardly. Christ, theyre selling us an analgesic for our cowardice. And I don’t know, I think if you’re going to pursue someone, really go after them, you have to abandon your pride, your shame, and the things that turn you yellow. Yeah yeah you start talking and dating and then eventually you have to do the actually important and courageous thing and open yourself up to someone else or whatever. Don’t care, the set-up bothers me on a spiritual level.
So anyway, I just got back on the apps this week. I really think it’s gonna go down different this time.
Feb 27, 2025
Top Recs from @royallmonarch
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I consume a lot of music regularly, and a huge part of keeping a fresh diet of new listens going is having enough sources of recommendations that aren’t an algorithm that either 1) reinforces your existing listening patterns, keeping you stagnant in your tastes, or 2) platforms whoever paid enough to push their product to the top, serving you something that may not inherently be of inferior quality, but may not align with your tastes, may not be exciting beyond just being a new release, and realigns your current listening habits to be more in line with what the average user on the platform is also listening to — which socially might have benefits but which creates a homogeneity of consumption that can become bland since you’re listening to something really just because it’s the next product on the assembly line to have its public moment and not because anything about the music actually captured your attention. the current landscape of streaming is designed to keep you at an all you can eat buffet where you take what’s served to you, and as a result a lot of us have forgotten how to look at a menu and order.
so what does taking a more active role in your own music curation look like? for me, it’s meant not using streaming as a primary listening platform. I mostly use my local Apple Music library on my phone that I curate with the vestigial iTunes Library framework that’s still a part of Apple Music on my laptop. probably going to find an alternative soon since apple seems to be cutting integration progressively. I like this method because it forces me to choose what to sync to the limited storage space I have, forcing me to take inventory of what I actually listen to and what I can offload. the files I get are mostly from Bandcamp or Soulseek depending on whether it’s available for purchase or entirely unavailable online (as is the case for a lot of electronic music that was on vinyl only, which is where soulseek comes in clutch). I also have freedom here to change the ID3 tags to better sort and organize, rate, change track info, and track my own listening data.
Bandcamp and other music purchasing platforms are great because 1) it reshapes my relationship to music away from consumerism and back towards curation. I have to pay actual money for this thing now if I want to use it, so i’m forced to consider its value (usually i’ll stream a release first to gauge my interest). 2) having to spend money helps me to course out my meals so to speak, as i’ll buy a few releases i’ve accumulated in my cart over the month and cash out on Bandcamp Friday when 100% of my money is actually getting to the artist (TOMORROW IS BANDCAMP FRIDAY BTW!!!), and between purchases I can actually chew and savor and digest my last orders, they don’t get swept up in the deluge of new releases. my plate is full until i’m done and then I order more. also for the times of the year like now when new music isn’t coming out as regularly I take time to find older music that I would normally overlook while keeping up with new drops. currently very into early 80s/late 70s music with early digital production, kinda stuff that would evolve into synthpop and dance music.
so how do you know what to order? for me, I’m getting recs through trusted curation platforms. whether it’s bandcamp daily, y’all lovely folks here on PI.FYI, friends, or most importantly musicians who I follow on socials that share their tastes through posts, stories, playlists on steaming, interviews, etc. I like this last one especially because it’s kind of like a musical game of telephone. if I like an artist and they share their interests and influences it’s like every layer in this process is stretching my palate further from the sound that I was originally interested in and into a new territory that has some shared DNA but would never have been recommended to me by an algo because there’s no shared category or label between them, only the musical influence and interpretation of it made by the artist. as an example, I was a huge Skrillex stan, he signed KOAN Sound to his label, they collab with Asa who collabs with Sorrow, Sorrow takes huge influence from Burial, Burial makes some ambient adjacent stuff and takes huge influence from 90s rave music and drum and bass and 2000s rnb, now i’m listening to Brandy - All in Me, William Basinski, Aphex Twin, none on whom would get recommended by Spotify to me from Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites.
LAST thing i’ll say — because in yappin about this i’m realizing how actually passionate about this subject I am: MAKE LISTS! playlists are cool, but they can flatten your music into vague categories of “vibes” and “aesthetics” and encourage picking one-off songs from artists that you never form an active audience relationship with. I make a practice of making my own year end lists of top 25 albums (plus some honorable recs and top individual songs) and keeping them in a notes doc that I regularly update and rearrange over the course of the year. this forces me to consider the actual relationship i’m forming with what i’ve ordered for myself. did I like it in the moment but it didn’t have staying power? is it slowly growing on me? it also encourages taking albums as a whole. maybe I liked one or two tracks a lot but the rest wasn't resonating. that’s ok! maybe I rank it lower but now i’ve actually taken time to consider it, it’s in my library, and maybe (quite a few cases for me) something I ranked like bottom 5 albums becomes a retroactive favorite from that year as my tastes evolve. also 25 albums to take with me from each year is really more than you'd think, i struggle sometimes to even find 25 that I formed a true connection with. I think the biggest thing the itunes era ruined that led into now is the single-ification of music, the ability to separate the hits from the deep cuts. albums are meant to be taken as a whole, and then once you've really sat with the whole you can find what actually stuck. even then I like to keep the whole around because soooo often i’ll write off a track that yeeeears later I come to love. trust the artist, they made it like they did for a reason.
aaannyyyywayy TLDR: get recs organically, be more active in deciding your listening patterns, fr*cken pay artists yall, trust the artist embrace the album, really consider what you consume
Feb 29, 2024
🤝
i’m not gonna go into the state of politics in this country, frankly I enjoy that this site has been a politics free space for the most part. with that being said, resigning to despair and the feeling of powerlessness serves only the status quo. inaction is not the solution, nor is waiting for the government to be what you want it to be. politics over: here’s the rec
be the change you want to see
as much of a cliche as this saying is, i’ve grown to believe in it with my full being as i’ve gotten older. for the things you have control over, for the practical needs that you can meet within your community, for the little things you can do every day to ease someone’s burden or generally be a pleasant interaction in someone’s life: bring to the world what you feel it lacks.
where you live there are likely already communities that are arising to support each other and call for change. seek those out if that’s a motivating notion for you. participate as much as you are able and as little as you please, every bit counts. being a visible and tangible example of how the agency we all have can create something better will motivate others to find their voice. a lot of people feel like you, but even a few in action is better than multitudes in despair.
community is so key, and the world we live in has created a situation where isolation is the default so that individuals are forced to rely on the market or the state to meet their needs. how much better would it be to have neighbors and friends as a support network, mutually exchanging their time and resources to strengthen the communtiy and invest in relationships that benefit the whole. the moment we all realize that we can do for each other what the world tells us we need to do ourselves, the stronger we will be and the more we can come together and enact real change from the bottom up, rather than being divided in pleading for a top down approach.
this may sound revolutionary because we have become so detached from community that we cannot envision the changes in our model of living that would have to be made, but it’s sooo not that deep, and it feels more like investing in the good in others than sacrificing personal comforts. it can look like:
- shopping at a local business vs a corporate chain, get to know the staff, get to know your fellow patrons
- spending time with friends, there doesn't need to be a reason or occasion. make meals together, drive together to go do something, maybe literally just be in each others presence as you do daily life, share each others sacred presence amidst the mundane
- give things you don’t need to a friend who does, exchange clothes, exchange favors, share knowledge and resources, lend a skill or a craft, donate things if you don’t know someone who can use it, exchange things and experiences without the need for monetary incentive
- create things together, make art together, share and exchange media, try things for the joy of experiencing them without the need to be “good” at it,
- grieve together, worry together, talk out negative feelings, commiserate, support, encourage, motivate, share your accomplishments, celebrate together
- get to know your neighbors, why is everyone in isolation while in such proximity?
- get off that damn phone if it makes you feel bad, you wont miss out, the world happens outside of it, unlearn FOMO
- enjoy nature, go on walks, get outside, sweat and run and jump and see the sky
- remind yourself that life is about what happens right now, don’t be concerned with what could be or what was if you are unable to affect it in the present.
- go to a concert at a small venue for an artist you’ve never heard of, bring friends, don’t preclude experience for the perceived necessity of entertainment
- unlearn grindset, but also unlearn bainrot. don’t fester in your down time. rest can be active, activity can be restorative. your time is precious and you will meet your need for purpose and direction by literally choosing to pursue a “meaningless” hobby in even what little time you may have vs scrolling and taking psychic damage.
- learn to enjoy the abundance of freely available joy in this world, we have been tricked to believe that money is the sole provider of a happy life
idk i’m just becoming mindful of what brings me life in this world and so much of it is available to me solely by seeking it out instead of idleness in my free time under the guise of “rest.” so much if it comes from seeing the divine in others and creating bonds and relationships and support networks. so much of it comes from enjoying beauty and art, and moderating and savoring that experience vs endless consumption and media gluttony.
the world through a screen is bleak, the world in front of your eyes can be beautiful, the system is broken but you and everyone you know has some untapped agency. anyway imma get off my soapbox, go catch a firefly or sit around a campfire with the homies. you’ll be glad you did.
Jun 29, 2024
🚪
not because you met someone or anything but because you take psychic damage every time you doom swipe on there and you probably never liked being on there in the first place and why does everyone seem to have a wack helen keller take and feel the need to put that on their profile like it’s cute??
time to do it the old fashioned way and mix and mingle at the sock hop or however our grandparents did it. after all, you just being around and living life is gonna be a better pitch for why someone should date you than those same 5 photos and your two-truths-and-a-lie prompt.
Feb 22, 2024