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It’s very easy to be snobby and unkind and anyone who has attended high school knows that being snobby and unkind is often associated with being cool. But being snobby and unkind actually suggests to other people that you are insecure, which isn’t a great look. Also, yes life is short but also life is long. On a purely business level, you never know who is going to become famous or powerful in some years’ time and you can’t know if the blush of your fame or power will be short or long lived. For that reason, consider being nice to everyone at least until they give you a legitimate reason to change your tune. Plus, being nice is better for your body and soul. If you find this challenging because you’ve spent too much time online, start small. When you’re at an in-person event and everyone is standing around “checking their phones” go ahead and introduce yourself. Extend your hand, make eye contact and say, “Hi, I’m (insert your name here).” It may feel awkward at first. And not everyone will be nice back, because they’re insecure. But with practice, you’ll no longer care; it will be enough for you, simply to know you did your part by being nice.
Related Recs
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I used to be a serious hater and socially anxious. Now I can smile at strangers or make friendly small talk in an elevator and i feel so much happier. Took me 33 years but new skill unlocked?
Feb 1, 2024
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start small with saying hi to neighbors or people you make direct eye contact with out and about. Then make small talk with a barista or server or bartender. they don’t have to me the most gripping conversations, just super easy and light banter. Compliment strangers and try and see if you can turn it into a longer conversation if the vibe it right. view most of your interactions with people as practice in socializing. just play and have fun with it! sooner or later it will just feel like second nature and you can turn it on and off as your please. socializing is like a muscle, you simply have to train and exercise it to be comfortable using it. I hope this helps!
PS: something that I started telling myself that kick started me being more social is that everyone in this world is a little awkward and anxious, so if we are all dealing with similar anxieties and anxiousness, it just levels the playing field. Also, when it comes to talking to strangers I find that most people are just wanting someone to break the ice first. Very few times have I talked to strangers and was met with rudeness or people being mad that I’m talking to them. In the rare instances that I do, I don’t take it personally and just tell myself they are having an off day. I’m most cases, when it comes to talking to strangers, I find that people are more shocked and pleasantly surprised that a stranger is talking to them. I just try not to talk peoples ear off and will only extend the interaction if I see that they are engaging and reciprocating back with me (ie. asking questions and responding to what im saying with genuine interest and not simple politeness). I know it all seems like a lot to think about but it gets easier with time and you figure it all out as you go. You just have to start 😊
May 13, 2024
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being sincere is in, thinking you’re always the most interesting person in the room is OUT.
take the opportunity to learn from this random human you have crossed paths with at the function. make a big impact with a little, casual convo. what are they into? how did they get into their line of work? what did they eat that day? what is their biggest fear? (lol) small talk is only shallow if you let it be.
tell someone working in a super busy place that they’re doing great and you hope they get a breather soon. compliment an outfit you like when you see it. tell someone when you notice their beautiful smile. quick interactions =/= insignificant
Mar 4, 2024
Top Recs from @allie
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My favorite mode of communication with my besties. A phone call without the phone call. A conversation without having to listen to someone else in real time. A safer, more private way to talk shit. If you aren’t volleying voice-memos back and forth between your lovers and friends, I suggest starting now and without warning. If they text you back, send them a voice-memo in response. Eventually, they will cave and start voice-memoing too. If you need an excuse for why you refuse to text, blame carpal tunnel or long press on nails.
Nov 16, 2022
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If, like me, you sometimes find it difficult to stay out until the early morning hours, partying, hosting literary salons, and maintaining a genial persona, consider foregoing Adderall and cocaine in favor of Truly Iced Tea. It has a healthy amount of caffeine in it, zero sugar, enough alcohol to get you loose but not sloppy, and can be purchased at most Duane Reade and CVS drugstores. Every flavor is good, but I especially enjoy a can of classic lemon.
Nov 16, 2022
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For years I dutifully visited the salon every two weeks to paint and fill long acrylic nails that were difficult to type with, expensive and prone to fungus. Then, COVID hit. I started going to pool parties at my friend Jamie Nelson’s house, saw her luxe red talons, impervious to salon closures, and learned the secret: press on nails. They look like a full set but are cheap, long lasting, easy to apply and easy to remove when you want to do human things like type your novel or pick up a penny. I’ve tried some fun ones on Etsy but find the best quality nails are made by the brand Kiss and are widely available anywhere basic self-care sundries are sold.
Nov 16, 2022