almost 2 years ago i sublet an apartment from a loose mutual who was traveling for 6 weeks. i knew his community was pretty tight knit, all the neighbors knew each other and had established relationships and would potluck together on a regular basis. i am an og room kid âąïž and was really intimidated about living in such close proximity/community to other people. what if i didnât make friends?? what if i DID make friends?? both were scary prospects to me. but at the time a major goal for me was to stop thinking of myself as such a loner and to invest more in the skills and attitudes that build a sense of trust in community. it was one of the best decisions iâve made in adulthood and led me to some of my closest friends, a more permanent housing situation next door to the original sublet, as well as some real challenges that are helping me grow as a person. the initial risk put me way outside my comfort zone and as a result iâm now more comfortable in more zones!
Mar 6, 2024
Related Recs
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these two things have been huge for helping me get a healthy level of community. oh thereâs an event that looks cool that you saw on socials? go. donât have anyone to go with? didnât ask. youâll meet cool people there.
someone is putting on something or invited you to come with them to something? youâre going. oh you donât know that person super well? donât care. youâre going to get to know them now.
being introverted just means you need a balance of socializing and solitude, but you donât get community in isolation. if a door opens to you and it seems cool, donât deny yourself an experience! approaching it with the mindset of going to build community and meet people and broaden your horizons will get you far.
Nov 23, 2024
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I came out of the pandemic period with my life totally destabilized in pretty much every way it could have been and I found myself back in my hometown needing some direction or purpose to either make it work or move somewhere else. I got a music degree for undergrad so I was interested in the music business and I decided to apply for my MBA, Belmont in Nashville was the first to get back to me and with a full ride scholarship so the decision to move was pretty easy. Since moving it hasn't always been smooth sailing, and most of my hardship in moving stems from the degree to which I'm isolated from others.
I think the worst thing anyone can do when moving is be alone. Obviously figure out your housing/work situation first, but then the next step is actually quite urgent: FIND COMMUNITY. Moving across the country in your 20s is something people often do alone, and if you're moving to a new city where you don't know anyone, chances are you might live alone or with roommates. But to feel truly integrated into any place you NEED multiple social support structures. You can't rely on your roommate/romantic partner to be everything for you in life if those are your closest relationships.
Find people who do the things you enjoy having in life and show up to their stuff, keep showing up, meet people, do things with those people outside of where you met them, build that web of connections and support. Community can be based around hobbies, political ideologies, spirituality, special interests, creative expression, physical activity, honestly it's probably best to have a community for as many of these as possible if you can. In this capitalist hellworld it's so easy to be atomized and find yourself isolated by the very routines and habits that are required to achieve baseline survival, so it's crucial to act in opposition to these forces whenever possible. Do the things you care about with the people who you will come to care about and then you will have built a home for yourself no matter where you live.
Feb 9, 2025
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First off, ditch the misogynistic crowd like the plague (Iâm sure you already know this!). Secondly, every pre-existing friendship group feels out of reach until you become part of it. People naturally will gravitate towards people theyâve known longer and are close with. The only way to become more part of a group is to be with them more. This is true of any friendship or friendship group. The more you show up to it, the more it becomes a solid friendship. When you find a person or a group you get on with, keep meeting up with them. Donât be embarrassed to ask, everyone was new once! And sometimes you donât even have to ask, if thereâs a specific event they always attend, become a regular, just hang out! Friendship doesnât just happen like we often think it does, it requires being in the same places, and putting in the same effort repeatedly. friendship seemed easier at school, but thatâs because you were in the same place with the same people everyday. Obviously keep an eye out for people or groups who are clearly just not wanting to reciprocate that energy and look for people who are open to it! I struggle with this too, especially as someone who canât get out all the time, but my most recent example is my friend Ant runs a little acoustic night every wednesday, so Iâm starting to go every Wednesday to talk to him behind the bar, and to be around our mutual friends who arent necessarily my friends yet but become more so everything Iâm there. royallmonarch has a great rec about community when trying to make a city a home that Iâll try to share in the comments cause it wont seem to let me do it here!
Apr 7, 2024
Top Recs from @trappedinabody
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felt the same way, was sick of it. got a flip phone i could slip my sim card into, activated it. first two weeks i was kind of itching for the smartphone and the little dopamine hits. after a while things started changing. i started reading for fun again, my attention span improved significantly, i carried a little journal everywhere to jot down my thoughts. in every room where everyone was on their phones, i felt like i was the only person actually present, paying attention. i found so many beautiful ways to fill the time. strangers praised me for my bravery lol. when i had to drive or go somewhere i didnât know how to get to i would write down the directions on a post it note and carry it or stick it to the dashboard. you will literally feel smarter for relying on your brain to figure things like this out instead of being on autopilot all the time. you can carry your smartphone around to use as an ipod/pocket camera and in an emergency it will still work on wifi. i asked friends to look things up for me (business hours, weather, traffic, phone numbers) when i was out and about. if people texted me id tell them to call me if they wanted to talk. it was a great decision that only ended bc i did an extended trip abroad where i needed my phone to get by, but i am going to go back to the flip again soon. i highly recommend! nothing compares to flipping a phone shut to hang up a call. it taught me how to enjoy true solitude again. do it!!!
Feb 27, 2024
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after being raised in a context where you were taught to be hard on yourself, leaning into self-compassion as a way of life in adulthood is truly powerful. hold yourself accountable and give yourself grace when you flounder, both are needed.
Mar 3, 2024
âwow i am in so much pain, i feel so ALIVEâ
âi am grateful to know that i have loved, truly lovedâ
âmay i never grow too guarded to feel into the depths of my soulâ
âall my favorite artists have felt this feeling, i am bound by heartbreak to my fellow humansâ
âthis grief is a process of me returning to myselfâ
if all else fails, watch the clip from call me by your name where the dad talks to his son about heartbreak (linked)
keep a journal, be patient, show yourself as much compassion as you possibly can
Mar 16, 2024