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if you’re person with anxiety like me or a person who experiences misogyny (also me) then chances are you could always get a little meaner when it comes to asking acceptable behaviour of others. looking back on times when, in the moment, i was worried that i was being too harsh by telling people how they can treat me, retrospectively i have almost never ever in my life felt i did the wrong thing. realizing this has made standing up for myself 10x easier every time i find myself needing to. showing others grace is not incompatible with showing up for yourself, in fact, one necessitates the other!
Mar 14, 2024
Related Recs
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It’s a skill that only gets less scary with practice. Do it with people you won’t ever see again, and do small things! As you get more confident then you can level up to bigger conflict. Like, it’s really amazing how much things aren’t that big of a deal. Anxiety makes it seem to us like we’re unsafe for stating our needs.
My journey was one that included a lot of therapy, which if you look at my stuff I recommend a lot. I was always very willing and able to stand up for others, but not myself, so I did a lot of questioning “if this was someone else, would I be okay with it?” and imagining that I was standing up for younger me. Often times over the top people pleasing was a survival tool that was needed, but isn’t any more.
Also… realize you don’t have to be a bitch. Asking for respect and your needs to be met isn’t bitchy. Does that mindset stop you from standing up for yourself? Conflict can be very simple, straightforward, and respectful. If someone goes off on you, that’s their issue. And that’s something that helped me a lot too- other people’s reactions weren’t entirely because of me. If someone reacted poorly, I could also draw boundaries with how I’m being treated. Pretty cool. Makes me feel like I can handle anything.
Lastly, I worked as a caseworker with DCFS for a few years and that really helped me in the long run. I had to work with and try to help people that hated me, and I learned a lot. While I don’t recommend anyone work for DCFS bc it’s a shit system, being forced to experience conflict so much did the trick.
Jul 22, 2024
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I can set boundaries with friends and say things bluntly without feeling bad. The constant pressure I put myself under in order to protect the feelings of others is unnecessary. I can't control them so why am I letting them control me? I can stand to be a bit meaner and to the point. I don't have to try to please every person I want to be closer to.
Jun 22, 2024
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i could never understand why i lacked the tools to distance myself from people who hurt me and kept hurting me. i’d always go back, i’d always “forgive,” and i’d always fawn (try and be better because it’s obviously my fault i wasn’t perfect, duh.) .
there has been a recent shift in my life where i will feel physically angry when i’m subjected to mistreatment. sometimes i’ll put it aside in favor of my fears but sometimes i feel it and let it be.. and when i do, i find i have the power to uphold simple boundaries that protect me from the mistreatment. it’s the darndest thing (would you believe it if i said i’m black?)
Apr 24, 2024
Top Recs from @annaisnthere
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instead of outright insulting people, saying “ok, haircut”. works for basically anyone even if they don’t have a distinctive haircut, but especially men, and ESPECIALLY (canadians know what i mean) guys with “hockey mullets” (although if they’ve chosen that path i doubt drawing attention to it will do anything other than embolden them, so tread carefully). i have discovered that cis men are all, every one of them, insecure about their hair. use this knowledge for good or for evil, i clean my hands of you all
Mar 12, 2024
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its a book of poetry that’s written kind of like a story, and it is very much a kind of non-denominational holy text for me. it is like an anchor for when things get complicated and you need to go back to basics on how to navigate relationships especially. very short read as well! i would heavily recommend
Mar 10, 2024
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heavily overdone and meme-ified but never underestimate the value of having a little stash of your favourite goodies you can tuck away and then remember about when you least expect it! my favourite part, especially since i tend to forget about them, is remembering i have them, and then being reminded of how when i was picking them out, i was thinking of how future me might need a pick-me up, or might want to share some with a friend to cheer them up. it can make going to the convenience store and buying junk food into an act of self-care and to me i think that that is magical
Mar 10, 2024