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1) Express: All the pain you feel, let it out - cry, scream, punch, shake your body - it is all energy which needs to be released from the body and will help your healing
2) Process: If you are no contact with your ex, write down in a letter (with a pen on paper, not a keyboard) everything you wish you could say to your ex. Then, once itās all out - destroy it.
3) New: Remove familiar things of your relationship out of your home. Rearrange the furniture in your bedroom and buy some inexpensive home furnishings to change the aesthetic of the room. Start a new hobby, visit new places and start listening to new music you havenāt tried before.
4) Play: Donāt avoid pain but do distract from it sometimes - be around funny and pretty places people and things (these things were joyful regardless of your ex and they will be joyful again for you soon)
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As a notorious lover girl... To me the love (and pain) never truly dissappears. However, there is a big difference between still holding space for those feelings vs constantly still thinking about it.
Some general things that help a lot are to exercise (get outta your head and into ur body), make art about it! and invest in your relationships with others. Deepen the friendships you already have and see if you might know people who can meet ur needs other than ur ex (e.g. find a friend to call or text whenever, find a friend who you can have platonic sleepovers with etc).
Though the most important step, to me, is the to get angry. I need to feel wronged by an ex in a way that causes anger to really kickstart the letting go process. Sometimes that means getting in touch again with them and letting them hurt you again. Actually it always did for me. This has led me to being best friends with my first love but also to definitely not being friends with my second love. And most importantly: that I dont think about them all the time and can let go while letting them still hold special places in my heart.
Oct 7, 2024
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for me it has been helpful to frame it as getting through heartbreak rather than over - iāve felt it is more of a journey rather than having an identifiable threshold or fixed point of being āoverā the person. so - these are my main recommendations for things to do to get through the heartbreak:
this isnāt true for everyone, but for me and most people i know, one of the worst things for processing is being around the person a bit right afterāitās like making your emotional process and brain not be on the same pageāso space is probably the #1 thing i recommend as being useful to fully processing that youāre not together romantically.
music (also films/shows too) can help you feel seen and understoodāheartbreak is a unique type of hurt. i have like 3-4 playlists from different heartbreaks i have been thru lol!
journaling, to process your emotions solo, though sometimes adding a therapist is needed!
hobbies (solo or with friends) so you can find ways to do positive & engaging things in your increased spare time! spend some extra time being in love with yourself. ā¤ļøāš©¹
source: my personal misfortunes, trials, & tribulations in love
May 22, 2024
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Start a long binge worthy show, watch that and distract yourself.
I do believe in the fact that you gotta go through it somehow but distracting yourself is not running away from your problems if you are at a safe space like your own home where you can weep and cry freely.
Definitely talk to some casual friends that you very rarely see about the breakup. I know that might seem odd but talking to people I rarely see rather than my best friends that I see very often helped me keep their name out of my mouth and that helped keep them out of my mind.
Go to new places, discover. Adventure out alone and cry at different places, you are going to be sad no matter what, why not change the scenery.
I chose to distract myself most of the time in order to avoid getting depressed so I laid off the sad music and listened to podcasts for a while. I recommend Emergency Intercom!!
And if you want, pick up tennis or some other physical activity that you can channel your anger and feelings through.
Aug 21, 2024
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In the grim club loos, I met two much younger boys who asked if I was enjoying the show. I said it was my favourite DJ but I had no way of seeing him from the far back of the crowd (I am a small woman). Suddenly, each boy took me by one of my arms, flanked either side, and then forcefully parted the sea of 500 aggressive youths (Moses style) in order to get me to the front of my favourite DJās set. Once they had deposited me directly in front of the DJ, they disappeared anonymously and wordlessly back into the crowd.
Apr 17, 2024