I saw dating (especially with apps) as just a way to gain experience and practice different relationship communication, I.e. how to draw boundaries or bring up small conflicts (used to be a nonexistent skill for me).
I set some expectations from the get go as well. I said I didnāt text, and I only saw someone I was dating once per week. I had a tendency prior to become enmeshed really easy, so I was making sure I didnāt fall into that same trap. It helps give time to actually get to know someone before it becomes āserious.ā
Alsoā¦ YOU are the prize of your life. As others have stated, youāre seeing if someone can fit (well enough) into your full and luscious life. Keep yourself busy with friends, family, learning, fun, hobbies.
You have an awareness already that this is a thing for you. When you notice yourself starting to go insane, PAUSE! Explore that. See how you can slow down.
Jul 2, 2024
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Keep It simple, silly!
My therapist recommended when I went back into the dating world to say I donāt text, and start off with only one date a week. That helped me sooo much bc I became enmeshed with people really easily. It allowed me to mentally and emotionally have space and not spend my time wrapped up in any anxiety. This also really helped weed out people who didnāt respect that boundary. It gave me time to find out if we were *actually* compatible before getting too serious. I was able to keep my life, and dating as part of it. Versus allowing a relationship to just overtake my life.
My mindset was also just to have fun, try new things, and work on communication skills. If something more serious came about then great, but that wasnāt the goal.
Aug 5, 2024
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This time 4 years ago, I was reeling from the most embarrassingly heinous situationship thatās ever befallen anyone I know (lol this guy is perhaps a story for another time). Now Iām 2 years into living with the love of my life, thinking that I was too broken to ever get close to a human being again
Some of the (many) things that worked for me:
- Taking an extended period away from dating, far longer than I had thought. In a fucked up way, I think Covid saved my life since I functionally had no way to get back out there for 6+ months (Iām not counting those weird FaceTime dates). Even if you think youāre ready, itās possible you could still benefit from time outside the cesspool just working on yourself and investing in friendships/hobbies/your career/learning new stuff/whatever.
- On a related note, therapy was very needed!
- Start a new, group hobby where youāll see the same people each week. Not that youāll forcibly end up dating someone you meet there, but an expanded circle often brings good into your life and itās exciting to have something new in your life that isnāt tied to success on a dating app.
- Not to be that person since I always hated when people said this to me when I was single, but it always happens when you least expect it. All of the above contributes to a new you who isnāt yearning for it above all else. People are drawn to others who seem to be thriving without them and I promise you youāll attract much higher quality people when you project this attitude (my own prospects were night and day since I was content in my own life and saw someone as additive not just looking for love/acceptance/contact from whoever could provide it).
Those are the things that came to me initially, but will keep noodling. Rooting for you ā¤ļø
Apr 1, 2024
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Feels reallllllllly tempting following a romantic fallout to "get back out there" for several reasons: to prove (to yourself?) that you are desirable, to fill a void left by ex partner, to see if things feel different with other people, to try to comfort yourself with the knowledge that not everyone is as shitty as the last person u dated. (sidenote: spend time with the question of what it fulfills for you)
This is rarely ever the right move. At least in my experience. I've literally caused myself psychic damage by jumping back in too fast lol. As cliche as it is, the best advice I have is to spend time (LIKE, TIMEEEEE. months) "dating yourself." You will gain confidence, learn more about yourself + have space from the event that leaves you feeling like dating is so difficult right now. Time really does heal all wounds...but jumping right back into dating is like picking a scab.
Fill up your cup in other ways in the meantime. Eventually, it will feel more natural/comfortable for you to ease back into dating - instead of trying to cram yourself into it and thinking that there's something wrong with you/you've sustained permanent damage because it's difficult. Your wounds won't be as fresh and you'll have a clearer picture of what you can/can't tolerate in a romantic relationship. It's hard! But u can do it! <3
Apr 1, 2024
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This has become the norm and every day I grow more disturbed. I understand if somebody is behaving in a harmful way, that is good to document and put out there. But as a whole, it seems, we have become so comfortable with recording people just living their lives. I saw a video of a guy working and the caption of the video was that he was so hot, we needed to find him!!! Why are you providing the Internet with his face and location instead of just going up to talk to him? I saw another of two people on the subway, seemingly a couple, having a very emotional moment. How would you feel if you open up an app and saw a video like that of yourself? I donāt like this level of sibling society surveillance. Why are you videoing an elderly person with sad music dubbed over it to gain likes? It is WEIRD. Donāt even get me started on videos of children. It is WEIRD to use a stranger without their consent to get some kind of fake validation. Get a life.
I donāt mean to come on here and share something so negative, I just donāt have anywhere else to put it and itās gnawing at me.
Oct 7, 2024
Feb 23, 2025
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Iām curious what your brains are like
1d ago