Related Recs

🫂

I feel for you

I healed a lot of attachment issues and it is a lot of work you need to do, coupled with the healing that can only be done through relationship. First and foremost, our attachment issues always start with our parents. Sorry about it. You are going to have to go into the pain of not getting what you needed in childhood. Even the best parents with the best intentions don’t always get it right. Once you not only understand where it comes from, but also free up some of the emotional space it is taking up, you can begin the process of becoming very aware of the thoughts and feelings that come up when you become fearful or avoidant. This is probably the heaviest part of the work. You are going to have to question all of your thoughts and feelings. Having a therapist you are working with can be really helpful in this process because they simply can provide an outside perspective. Let’s say you have a wound from being cheated on in the past, and your partner is not texting you back right away and you start to spiral. first, you need to take some deep breaths and regulate yourself. Then you need to start questioning. Has this person given you a reason to not trust them? do you still have feelings you need to feel regarding the last time you were hurt? What is the fear? Are there actually things you need to discuss with your partner? The more you are able to question, the more discerning you can be on what is your intuition and what is your wounding. A personal story: I still have anxiety that comes up when my husband works late. It is both that I think he is dead, or that he could potentially be cheating on me. I know exactly where those fears come from (thanks dad!), and there is literally no reason to believe that they would be true. I literally imagine those thoughts as a younger version of myself, and I visualize giving that part of me a lot of love. I am regulating myself by imagining me regulating with child me. A big thing for me was going slowly in relationships and really becoming more aware of red flags. You are never going to find a perfect person, but there are things that will be an obvious issue for you. On the other hand, there are issues that can be resolved with communication. Us avoidant types don’t want to be in that process, but that process is important. Unfortunately, the only way that you can learn to be trusting in relationships by practicing being trusting in relationships. TLDR: focus on healing and exploring with yourself first, then slowly work to be in relationship.

@mossyelfie

Jul 9, 2024

⭐

reconsidering friendships as you get older

I just don't think all friends are forever. I used to think every friend was worth investing in and fighting for to keep around for as long as possible, but it's becoming clear to me that it isn't always the case. Sometimes life situations change, or personalities change, or even the things you had in common with someone changes, and suddenly it's not the same. And that's okay. Other times it's the realization of self-growth and improvement that shifts you from friendships. I had one friend that I used to love to...well, gossip with. And at some point that desire to gossip dissipated from my life (for obvious reasons) and that friendship didn't seem that attractive anymore since it wasn't what I wanted to do. I remember when we felt the drift happen, it was so awkward for a bit but I genuinely feel like whenever we connected it would just become...toxic. And it wasn't like they made me worse; we both made each other worse. The idea of 'I have to leave them, they are bringing me down' is BS - it's a two way street buddy. They made me want to gossip / I made them want to gossip. You have to own your part in it. IDK! I just think at 30, there are people I though I'd be close to today that I am not close to at all and although I might miss them, I fully understand that I'm better and healthier and more sane because of that distance. IDK. I'm caffeinated rn. And in my feels. And Bon Iver isn't making it better!!!

@marianoleonczik

Sep 25, 2024

2

🧲

Everyone I've loved has made me better

I was isolated growing up. Isolated in the regular run-of-the-mill homeschooled way. Growing up in rural Canada where everything is a minimum of a 30 minute drive away. Groceries, entertainment, activites, friends - and nothing in between but wheat and sloughs and cows. Born to people who were not only the youngest child in each of their families, deeply introverted, and whose external social situations also put them in the way of easy ridicule. It was the sixties, man. My experience of the world for the first 18 years of my life was through my mother's eyes, primarily. My beliefs were filtered through her opinions, and my actions were dictated by her whims. On top of that when I was 13 my family moved overseas to facilitate my dad's job. Moved, not to a town, or a an expat compound... but to a vacation village, which we inhabited September - May until I was 18. We went back to Canada in the summers, dooming me to a cycle of social deprivation and catchup, never getting ahead or making meaningful connections. None of this is stuff I really tell anyone, anymore. At 26 it's all far enough away that it doesn't come up in my current self synopsis when meeting new friends. As my world expands, and I meet and love more and more people I'm so aware of how the more people that you meet and interact with the more you have a sense of your own place in the world. Every time I have a new romance I learn what love is out there for me. Each new experience changes my views on past experiences. What I like and what I don't. The kind of love I can accept, how I want to be treated. Every time I make a new friend I learn that there really are all kinds of people in the world, and that growing up it's not that there was something wrong with me, it's just that I didn't necessarily vibe with the 10 people I interacted with.

@pumpkinspite

Nov 15, 2024

Top Recs from @dyarkin

🖋

delete bumble

I’ve been on like 5 bumble dates till now and two of them were the worst experiences ever, the other three were ok. I feel like there is a pressure on everyone to find someone, this pressure came upon me thanks to my therapist🥰✌️🥰✌️🥰she said to me, you are going to uni and never been in a relationship wtf is wrong with u🥹❤️🥹❤️ sooo I stumbled upon bumble and other dating apps and my first date was me getting sexually assaulted 😋😭😔🤪🤫💕😬🇺🇸 then somehow I continued going on dates with just girls bc fuck men am I right? and they were just basically a waste of time 😁 now after my fifth and hopefully final date from a dating app, I am officially quitting this. I feel so worthless trying to show myself off by just some lousy pictures and a one liner that says nothing about me. I just want to live on my own and like someone not by how they want to be seen, but how they actually are I feel so ashamed of even being on a dating app sometimes, that I get depressed. I get this feeling that I am superficial and just desperate for attention. I need the validation of someone I don’t even know to feel like I am worth something. Not being loved till now has made me feel like I am worth nothing, that nobody will ever want me or need me. That is why I continue doing this shit and I am stopping TODAY wish me luck😬🥰🚬🥺🤪🚬😬👈🥰🦅😮‍💨

@dyarkin

Aug 15, 2024

🌀

chıllıng on the beach

go in the water, come back to the shore, sit under an umbrella and read your book while you listen to the sound of the sea crashing onto the shore and repeat.

@dyarkin

Aug 19, 2024

🎵

doıng thıngs on your own

I used to be so scared of going out alone or doing anything alone. But some of my hobbies do not match with my friends so I was either gonna do them myself or not at all. If you want to go see a movie go do that, it really gives you a big push and makes you feel so much better. Yes, you do need your friends and close ones but you don’t have to rely on them to go do something that you’d want. I went to a concert a couple of weeks ago alone, which was the first big thing I did alone and it really showed me that I can do it! Punch your anxiety in the face lol Start with small stuff and make your way up! Highly recommend

@dyarkin

Aug 5, 2024