💻
i know i'm so privileged to have a chill wfh job where workload isn't high and no pressure from managers, but i also feel like something within me is dying inside. (i also definitely have undiagnosed adhd as do both my parents lol)
when i DO have to do work, it is so fucking boring and i don't care about any of it. it's just writing up boring reports. so i procrastinate having to do them all the time which leads to a kind of weird low-level ambient stress that hovers over the rest of my life. the job is essentially a dead-end as i will never get promoted. my life goal is to continue writing (i currently write a substack newsletter) and one day have a novel, which technically this job allows me the time/flexibility to work on.... but i can't help wondering if staying in all day on my computer is depriving me of richer life experiences...
don't get me wrong, i read as much as i can at home, call other friends with boring wfh jobs lol and do online courses etc, but idk.... i hate not feeling more agentic over my time. but does anyone ever? i've been offered a 2x a week PT role in a town nearby and it'll pay enough to cover rent but i'd definitely have to hussle for freelance stuff to make-up the difference, and idk if i'm ready to give up my laziness.... but is too much comfortability what life is about? GOD IDK
Related Recs
👔
growing up i felt compelled to have a job that i felt contributed something "important" to the world. there is a lot of background pressure that a career should be a "calling" or something you feel so passionate about that they couldn't not do it for a living.
a really useful piece of advice i got a little over a year ago (meant to apply to scientific academia but applies just as much to humanities, arts, etc.): jobs that use the language of a "calling" do so to exploit labor. if your job is your passion, why shouldn't you burn the candle at both ends until you have nothing left but passive indifference (or, even worse, resentment) for something you once thought interesting enough to devote your entire life to?
i think a bit about what my life would be like if i just did undergrad in computer science and got an avg boring programming job. lots of choice about where you live, pays pretty well, work is intellectually interesting enough, and it actually ends at 5pm so you have enough free time to explore other things you enjoy. a few friends from college chose this path and it definitely has its downsides, but its worth considering, esp. if you are really uncertain about what you actually want out of your life.
Feb 17, 2024
💌
I've been offered a really unique, challenging job, but I'm so burnt out from my last one I don't know if I should accept it. I feel grateful and excited, and ungrateful and terrified, and like I should take it because it's stable even if I'm not.
It's resting heavy in me, knowing that my next 21 months might be so work focused when maybe I need the me focus to not just be a sassy little crisp of a human.
I have to respond today, I have no idea what I'll do xoxo
Mar 3, 2025
📒
I started out working in a career that was meaningful and provided me with a sense of purpose (I was a high school teacher), but after being worn down by the lack of work/life balance and having no opportunity to pursue my passions outside of work, I transitioned to my current career, which is much easier, and thoroughly just a job.
Albeit, its not soul crushing (as far as jobs go), I work from home, I work for a public employer (so I'm not just making someone else rich), and I have great work life/balance. So having seen both sides, I thank my past-self nearly every day for making the transition.
Anyway, it sounds like we have similar philosophies, which is basically: jobs should be for money, and fulfillment and meaning should be found outside of work (at least in our current capitalist hellscape). So I guess it just comes down to whether or not the soul crushing meaninglessness of your job outweighs the meaning you're able to steal back from outside of it, due to its ease. I know... not really all that helpful, given that you basically already arrived at this conclusion/dilemma 🙃
Oh, I also think easy (and decent paying) jobs are hard to come by and that even meaningful jobs can very easily be made meaningless given the structure/motivations of society. You're also way more likely to be exploited in an industry that runs on passion and meaning due to the fact that social reproduction is valued way below economic production. But then again, change can also be good, and like in my own case, can lead to something even better... so who knows?
Feb 11, 2024
Top Recs from @chloev
🎼
it's been a week since i'm rid of it and tbh i don't really miss it; i just buy cd's from the charity shop and listen on my cd player when home. if i REALLY crave a certain song whilst out and about then i'll just go on youtube. so far it's nice to not have the decision paralysis of what music i want to listen to and i feel like i'm getting to experience music as more of a whole thing bc i can't just keep flicking between artists. and i'm not ashamed that i did enjoy coldplay's parachutes album on a soft and fading thursday evening!
Feb 9, 2024
every year i make a new video to mark a theme that has defined the past year: this year it was all about addiction to the internet and subsequent feelings that time spent online takes me away from my sense of self !!!!
Oct 19, 2024
📚
man, libraries ROCK !!!! what do you mean i can just chill here in this chair... in this warm building with high ceilings... all of these shelves full of delights like graphic novels and how to speak another language... and then i can take my favourite books home... FOR FREE ?!?! i am so happy i left the house to go to the library today
Jan 23, 2024