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Fourteen months of sharing my deepest, darkest thoughts and insecurities with a group of random strangers ended last Friday, with hugs and tears and goodbye notes. I'm going to miss my little group and our weekly chats, but I'm glad I'm at a point where I function like a semi-normal adult. Maybe not all the time, but more often than not. I couldn't say this a year ago, but now I can: I'm proud of the person I've become in this group.
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There is a lot of really good advice and input in the other responses, but I just wanted to let you know that about a year ago I broke up and stopped talking to the person I was dating for over 8 years. I didn’t realize how much I didn’t know about myself. In that time I’ve picked up a few art classes, fitness classes, and some of those I hated. Every time I was sad that I wanted to do [insert any thing or activity] but I didn’t have someone to do it with, I would go do it alone.
This time last year was really hard. I had to drag my ass out of my apartment on long walks. podcasts were my best friends, because my real people friends would be busy some times and that’s okay! yeah I did watch all of love island. Alllll of it. I remember thinking “do I exist if I don’t have a person to tell xyz to??” Like yes girl ofc you do!!!!
Right now I feel like my life and my heart are so full And happy and Light!!! Putting myself first and finding out what I like has been amazing and I’m so excited to hear about how You’re doing with it all.
Jun 18, 2024
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I've ended up inadvertently in an extended period of solitude thanks to a series of traumatic and stressful life events between 2022 - early 2024. I've only recently realised quite how much I cut myself off from everybody in my life to be by myself under the guise that it would make me feel better (my health has also just been in the gutter and I've been too exhausted but we move). Even if socialising makes me soooo tired it does ultimately make me feel so much better as a human being to feel seen and not just allowed to fester inside my own brain. This week I had three whole social engagements and I feel so much more mentally energised!! I'm forcing myself to actually show up for plans and not cancel them and to meet new people and I think it is working. I think if you just keep doing it over and over again eventually it stops feeling so out of reach? Will share my findings
Jul 14, 2024
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I worked at 8 this morning but it was a really nice shift. My manager and I worked it together and had a lovely time. He’s someone I can talk to in a real way without judgement, and it’s nice to be able to call him my friend. Other friends came in throughout the shift and made it feel warm and sweet. I love the community I have found myself apart of.
After work I went straight to therapy. starting therapy has by far been one of the best things that I have done for myself in the last year. She really understands me and lets me know when I’m in the wrong or doing something not in my interest, which is extremely valuable to me.
After that I came home and caught up with roommates and did some laundry before having kind of a difficult conversation with a friend. Trying to navigate having mutual feelings for someone who isn’t in the same place vulnerability-wise as you is really hard and sad. Talking about it helps and is the only way out of/through that difficulty. friendship is the answer for now.
I ordered dinner to my door bc I deserve it and am now winding down for the night, anticipating some heavy slumber.
Feb 4, 2025
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I'm a July baby. Growing up, I spent most of my birthdays alone. Some years because my friends had left the country. Some years because I'd left the country. Some years because I had no friends. And with every year passing, the pressure to spend my birthday surrounded by friends and family and to have a good time increased. Every year I felt like a failure when I couldn't make it happen. So I stopped telling people it's my birthday.
But today is my 28th birthday.
Jul 17, 2024
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I hadn't seen my friend since New Year's Eve. Now it was October, her wedding day, and she barely gave me the chance to gush over her gorgeous dress, her makeup, her jewelry.
"You look happier," she said. "Your energy has changed. It's much calmer now. I'm happy for you."
I love her for taking the time out of her special day to notice me like that.
Oct 13, 2024
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"If the two of you are so good together, why don't you make a move?" my friend asked me in a dream about the guy I was ever so slowly falling for. Those words echoed through my mind for months, from the first date till the final breakup.
Jun 14, 2024