My paternal great-grandmother, Charlotte (Lottie for short)āwhose husband Vernon came back from World War I as a cruel, shellshocked man incapable of providing for the familyāforced to bear the weight of responsibility and open the first plant nursery in our hometown, resigned to her quiet strength, always tending to living things with care but never receiving that same treatment.
My maternal grandmother, Barbara, a reserved and emotionally detached woman who matter-of-factly confessed to my mother in 1998 that she and my grandfather Billy had not had sex in years. I would eventually come to learn that he preferred the company of other men, and looked back on the time when I was 13 where I had attempted to help him search for a long-lost military friend in a new light. Barbara developed dementia and wasted away into a whisper, but the last time I saw her, flashes of anger would rise to the surface: telling me to throw Billy down the staircase; that she hopes heāll drown in his iced tea. During that visit, we discovered that her antique bisque dolls from her childhood in Iowa had been carelessly tossed into the unfinished attic, exposed to the elements and left to decayājust like her.
My mother, a woman I hated growing up until, to my horror, I came to understand exactly what made her into the monster she had been to meālike looking into the most humbling mirror. My father mocked her interests, dismissed her emotions, deprived her of affection, and poked and prodded her until she snapped.
My father, who tearfully confessed to me late one night, several beers in, his accent slipping into its latent southern drawl as it did when he was drunk, that he regretted not staying with the mother of his first daughter, Laylaānamed after the Eric Clapton song, conceived during a meth bender when they were 19, leading to a shotgun wedding and a marriage that ended too soonāand had to watch from afar as she suffered in a marriage to a man who was āa squareā and didnāt see her.
My paternal grandfather, Herbert, who adored my grandmother Dorothea until her dying breath and kept her belongings and mementos all throughout the house like a mausoleum for about 20 years until he succeeded in drinking his way to joining herāher collections of antique bells and glass slippers, her embroideries, photos of her in Paris, her silver vanity set in the bedroom, her blank greeting cards and stationary, her cigarette-smoke-stained books in their library with notes stuffed into the pages and scribblings in the margins.
My maternal great-grandmother Katherine, who was left by her first husbandāa man who never treated Barbara as his childāand married her second husband, a patient, stoic, loving farmer. In her old age after his death she joined a biker gang, wore leather studded gloves, and developed a love for the thrill of casual shoplifting.
My aunt Lisa, currently on her third marriage to a good olā boy NFL agent for the Cowboys and former A&M football player with a passionate love for Wienerschnitzel. Last I heard, he was trying to get his friend Jerry Jones in on buying a franchise with him because there are no locations close to his house but Jerry remained skeptical about its value as a joint business venture. My mother told me throughout my childhood that Lisa had ended a perfectly good marriage with her first husband to chase something new; that I was evil and selfish just like her. Lisa looks happier than ever.