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i like to ponder in the shower just like everyone else. tonight's shower ponder had to do with the fact that i'm in the job search process right now and it is so disheartening to have to tailor my resume to every post and just basically do the most for every single job post just to most likely receive a rejection within a few days of applying.
i started thinking about the fact that when people accomplish something difficult in life such as finding a job, owning a house, or finishing education there tends to be 2 types of thinking that come out on the other side. the 1st way of thinking is the "well i did it alone and although it was difficult, i was able to do it alone so i think everyone else should be able to do it alone if they try hard enough" the 2nd way is "i did it alone and it was hard and i recognize that there is a need for support here therefore, i would like to change the system so that other people do not have to go thru the same hardship in the same way i did." not saying that everyone thinks like this, but i feel like these are the 2 common ways of thinking that i've heard.
& basically that was ponder as i sat there waiting to wash out my leave in conditioner.
Jan 18, 2025
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i've been facing paralysis when i have to do something that i'm anxious about. i know at the end it'll be something "good for me", but that in itself doesn't stop the anxieties i have. waiting on it and stewing in my thoughts isn't helping me feel better. so, why not do things scared? the fear will be there regardless.
i'm trying to push through the fear and do things anyways. for example, i have a gap year in between my graduation and my job. the thought of applying to jobs in this market fills me with undeniable dread, but i'm doing it anyways one job at a time.
(on a side note, one anti-recommendation i have is the modern job hunt. why the fuck is this so hard)
the things we "have" to do feel like a deep pool sometimes. scream as you take the plunge, and you come out on the other end feeling a little bit lighter.
Jan 9, 2025
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Had a moment last night where I was stacking menus at work and staring out the window and kind of asked myself, “do I really need to stay here?”. Idk, money is important, but I think I’d rather work somewhere that lets my personality shine rather than makes me feel unappreciated and devalued. Makes me feel kinda bad that I decided this is normal instead of sticking up for myself. ~~~not sure what to do ~~~~ :/
Mar 23, 2024
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recently been feeling the fight or flight instinct kick in as i near the end of grad school, turning 26, losing the parents' health insurance, the end of my internship, the impending post-grad school career search, and the end of my lease and having to move - all of which are happening during august. in times like these where i find myself on the precipice of a new stage of life, i find that i either A.) can't wait to begin the next stage and i'm restless and impatient to get the current stage over with, B.) dread the end of the current stage that i've grown comfortable with and stress about needing to plan and structure out what's next to feel more prepared, or C. ) both.
to keep from getting overwhelmed, the motto i always return to is "swim to the wall." i'm not a swimmer, but from what i know about the sport you can't finish the lap you're on until you hit the wall, push off, and get going in a new direction. basically, it's a reminder to see through what you've been working on until the end, give your best effort even though - and maybe especially because - you're almost done, and then build momentum and give yourself the best launch into the next lap. maybe you can't see what lies ahead in the next lap because you were so focused on keeping pace that you forgot you would need to swim in another direction at some point, but you gotta keep swimming. staying in one place and treading water can become exhausting if you haven't reached your resting point, and it will make it harder to change direction once you lose momentum. you need to keep chuggin, get to the end, then push off as hard as you can. you gotta swim to the wall.
Jun 26, 2024
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this is me with my aunt's dog! she has eye lashes and always has the little bow in her hair. i hope this can cheer you up a little! :3
Jan 21, 2025
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congratulations on your senior year that's amazing! for me college was the best experience but i truly believe it is what you make of it. i took my 1st semester easy & luckily i had a great roommate that accompanied me to all types of social events i could find on our school's event board. going to social events helped me make friends & helped even decide classes i wanted to take outside my required classes.
my 2nd semester i started to get more serious about my club involvement & ended up on executive board positions which truly have helped me now that i'm graduated & in the professional field. aside from clubs and social involvement, i loved my classes & took a few classes outside my major that helped expand my knowledge & kind of made me more well rounded. ik college isn't for everyone but for me, it exposed me to new ways of thinking i don't think i would've been exposed to. it also expanded my professional network which will and has helped with job prospects.
i now regularly stay in contact with my friends from college & although we're in complete different parts of the world, we schedule weekly facetimes & find ways to visit each other every so often.
p.s. sorry this was long! i loved my experience and love sharing it with others because i truly believe college expands your knowledge, if you ever need advice on the application process or want to know anything else please reach out!! i wish you the best of luck on whatever journey you decide to take! <3
Jan 19, 2025
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pls check this place out on desktop, it's the only way i use it and i love it
Jan 20, 2025