I’ve been in the same boat. Since I was 13 I became really self conscious of my appearance, mainly due to other people’s comments, and then that was exacerbated from 16-18 during college because people got meaner for some reason. I felt terrible, and the lockdowns unexpectedly saved me as it gave me a break from all those people.
It made me realise I should only stick with people who like me for who I am, not how I look. Then ignore all those comments and ignore those people, make them feel awkward for saying those things if they do. Even if people aren’t saying comments, just think less of what others think of you.
You are what you are, don’t try to change your appearance just to please people who might not care much about you in the first place. Don’t let your appearance bring you down, ignore those annoying flaws and be more confident to outshine any imperfections you think you might have. Don’t be afraid to do things you enjoy and spend time with new people.
Ofc others may have different advice as my problems are either impossible to change or very difficult to, so I’ve learned to be content with how my body is, and just play with the hand I’ve been dealt (which unfortunately means I’m not perfect at this and for instance still wear more clothes than others during the summer). But I’m generally very happy now with lots of good friends who like me for who I am.
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Thank you for this kind message. I struggle with acne scars, which I think are quite severe, and it makes me feel less confident about talking to people or engaging in social interactions. I often feel like others might judge me based on how I look. However, after reading your message, I feel like I can actually start being happy with myself and stop caring about what others think. (I'm still working on this, though, lol)
princealpaca that’s nice to hear that I may have helped a bit :)
and for the record, I don‘t mind seeing acne scars on people and I don’t think most people do either, really don’t worry about them! If people do care, screw their opinions as I said
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Some people are just better at handling it than others. Remember that it’s likely nobody is thinking about you as much as you’re thinking about yourself! If people are judging you, this is something you can either learn and grow from if you do something legitimately wrong, or they’re just being rude and critical for no reason and that’s a reflection on them. Give others grace, patience, and the benefit of the doubt and hopefully they’ll do the same for you.
Not everybody will like you and that’s okay! And as much as we would like to think we can and as much effort as some may put into it, we can never truly control the way others perceive us. Find ways to develop self esteem and confidence that comes from within based off of traits you admire and respect about yourself regardless of what other people think.
I would recommend that you undergo DIY exposure therapy by throwing yourself into lots of social scenarios big and small that make you blush and shake and feel like you want to crawl out of your skin. Go into public places and force yourself to make pleasant small talk with strangers + share something small about yourself with them! Ask people about themselves! Go to a party or an event and make it a goal to talk to X number of people.
But also remember that you don’t have to share your whole personality with everyone you meet and depending on the context and circumstances it may not even be appropriate to do so. So maybe start with identifying aspects of your personality you want to show most consistently with everyone you meet and go from there!
May 16, 2024
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Look, first and foremost, it’s normal to want to look cool. We all want to fit in, be accepted, be validated and feel like we belong, it’s a natural human thing.
But the only way out is through. You have to accept and love yourself. You have to embrace your cringe, and your wonders, and your quirks. You have to learn to be proud of them. You have to validate yourself and understand that by choosing to be you, you will lose some things. Maybe some friends, maybe some validation. But you will get so much more. There’s nothing cooler than someone who is unafraid of being who they are. That’s the key, I guess. And it’s freaking hard, so it’s a process. Just start with the basics. Dress how you want to dress, look how you want to look, and experiment with it, see how you feel, face the rejection with open arms. Be cringe, but be authentic.
Nov 18, 2024
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used to struggle a lot with this, was definitely due in part to a lot of insecurity but also some diagnosed anxiety issues. medication helped for me with the latter, but the insecurity I def had to tackle as I got older.
one thing that helped me was framing interactions differently. with an insecure mindset, each interaction has the subconscious goal to have the other person like you. that’s a lot of pressure! of course that will make you nervous if you feel like you’re always being evaluated. truth is some people won’t like you, some people will really like you, but most folks that you only meet in passing aren’t really thinking deeper than the immediate interaction and will find you pleasant if you have basic manners and such. ultimately, though, it’s entirely out of your control how others will perceptive you!
instead, I found that interactions are best if you approach them with authenticity and curiosity. all you gotta do is be your true self, people will think what they may but at least you’re being perceived as you and not you trying to perform how you think will be best received. and people generally want to know the people they're around! you should bring that assumption and just let the other person know you. you don’t need to be funny or an expert story teller, getting to know someone can be rewarding in and of itself. and you’re worth knowing! internalizing that truth will develop confidence.
in turn, get to know them! over the course of a conversation, you can really learn a lot about someone by just asking questions as they come up. be curious! it’s not prying, people love talking about who they are (within reason obv). interactions are hard if you don’t have anything to go off of, and that will always be awkward. so your goal is just to get to know a bit about who the person you’re interacting with is, maybe you’ll find something that resonates and then the interaction will come so naturally.
ultimately, no one thinks about you more than yourself. and that’s not to say you’re insignificant, but most people are too busy thinking about themselves to think too hard about you. whatever little minor thing you did or said, or how you looked or acted, so much of that will not be scrutinized by someone else nearly to the point you’ll scrutinize it because you think they’re scrutinizing it. find some relief knowing that you’re not being microanalyzed by anything other than your own insecurity, and you can choose not to listen.
May 13, 2024
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I love the night vibes but it’s also lovely to finally see a bit of light at that time, after about 4 months of pitch black darkness. Makes the commute back home happier and less tiring.
Feb 25, 2025
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Nice ask, made me think about what’s important to me
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FAVES:
Animals (especially cats)
Nature
Friends + fam
Museums
History (especially classical)
Art
Star Wars
Indiana Jones
DC
Comics
Videogames
Physical media
LEGO
Improv
Fencing
Ultimate Frisbee
Tennis
F1
Phone (as unhealthy as it is)
Youtube
Empathy
Dancing while alone
Late nights
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UNFAVES:
When it’s too cold
When it’s too hot
The beach
Ice cream (I am the antethesis of a summer person for someone born in July)
human feet
Getting up early
stopping the unfave list here before I give TMI :p
Jan 23, 2025