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This is Henri
What do you think? I’m feeling .. right in the middle. nauseous maybe a bit unnerved but relaxed. I’ve been “good“ but need to make more time for Jess to do Jess stuff (painting, drawing, shuffling around the apartment, cleaning my space)
A few days to myself would be nice, some solid solitude. ive been working hard to be good with what I have in life currently, it’s kind of working. I am striving to move slower… do what I can to help others while keeping myself healthy… i want these things to come easy and they will if I keep practicing them
Feeling full of love and anti-social, I have so much to do but I’m also learning how to do maintenance on myself.. rest, check in, exercise.. give yourself a break it’s time to wander around and tune in…
What’s next then?
Feb 19, 2025
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Write it out, like you’re doing here! everyone has already said you’re super young so find hope and peace in that whenever you‘re panicking about what you should be doing. Don’t worry too much about love, that’s going to come at its own time. your career will take shape over time and you always have chances to change it.
How do I feel grounded (context, i’m 30, feeling decently settled). I constantly make lists of what I need to do or want to do (these are separate!). Today I need to do xyz at work, I need to make plans for this weekend, I need to buy new cat food, I want to work out twice, I want to cook something with zucchini, I want to listen to a new podcast episode
Some other things: I always try to have an artistic outlet. I ask questions about things I don’t know (this is everywhere, work, at the cafe, in yoga class, I Google if I’m curious). I go to therapy and when I make goals I only think of my own happiness.
Jan 22, 2025
I've been in a rut since October and I have been too paralysed by guilt and depression to build back up. But I'm getting there.
I'm in therapy to work through things and tackle some behavioural issues. I have a bunch of concerts on the horizon that I bought tickets to when I was Really Deep In It and just needed to fill my calendar with things to look forward to, and I'm starting to feel the excitement for them. Ive been resetting my wardrobe with some thrifted/second hand shopping and i'm going to a big vintage fair in The Big City near my birthday.
The cats I live with are starting to trust me and I'm starting to be a better roommate, both in terms of being sociable and contributing to chores and such.
I still have a long way to go, but considering that not even three weeks ago I could barely get out of bed, this is an improvement. I'm working towards the goals I have set to better myself, and I'm doing what I can to keep myself going while I work towards being capable of doing more good. I can't do better if I never Do Anything, so I need to trust myself to do things again 🤷♂️
Mar 6, 2025
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I’ve been thinking about this a lot regarding my plan to purge/organize my home, because the way I used to do projects like this just doesn’t work anymore. I can no longer wait until I have the energy, then do as much as I can in one go. I do not have the gift of uninterrupted time anymore. Instead, I’ve had to adjust to a more slow and steady way of working. I choose *one* space to work on each day. Often times it ends up being one drawer, or corner, or step in the process.
Logically this is great and the best way to meet my goals. Mentally/emotionally I kid of hate it because it’s not how I’ve worked for my entire life. I have big ideas and want to do them right now!!!! But, when is growth or change ever without a bit of uncomfortability or pain?
So, I am actively changing my mindset. I speak positively to myself about the one small thing I did that day. I share that one small thing with my husband and friends. Because in actuality if it was so easy for me to do, I would’ve done it before. So my effort deserves some recognition!! Positive reinforcement, even when it’s to our own selves, can carry us a long way 🫶
Jan 13, 2025
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Feb 6, 2025
My cat is making too much noise on the door. I am enjoying the rain and the low light this morning. I’ll start working soon. First I’ll think about whether or not coffee will upset my stomach. I’m happy she likes the new bed I got her. The temperature feels ok in here. I wish I went to bed earlier.
Jan 31, 2025