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MISANTHROPY

Recently a close friend (my ex-boyfriend) called me a misanthrope. I felt a little insulted, but I didn’t disagree… Scrooge is a misanthrope. That guy notoriously really sucks until he isn’t a misanthrope anymore. Then everyone decides he’s better. I’m not sure I agree with this. Maybe Scrooge was right all along! Scrooge’s real issue was the degree in which he was misanthropic (also his hoarding of wealth but that’s not what this is about). You can’t let it control your life. But a little bit of misanthropy never hurt anyone. Am I really a misanthrope? Sure, yeah, I don’t really like people! Or at least… I don’t like most people. Or maybe what I mean is that I don’t like people because I have to or because I should. The sole reason I like a person isn’t just because they are talented or successful or beautiful or (ugh) popular. Sure, if someone I do like has those qualities then that’s great of course… But for a long time, I think I may have deluded myself that some of my friendships were deeper than my attraction to those qualities and how they benefited me and vice versa. Like an ouroboros of narcissism disguised as friendship and intimacy. For a long time, I was nervous to give in to what felt like my less personable traits, like being critical of people, or being reclusive, because I didn’t want to degrade my social capital, I didn’t want to be perceived as the bitch I was afraid I really was deep down inside. But the more I felt guilt over my feelings of dislike, the more I started to hate myself, the more I started to act in ways that I never would have, had I just been more conscious of the reasons behind my lifestyle in the first place. And I know that not everybody has experienced this, but I know I’m not the only one who has. The realization that I was living a life that was a rejection of my actual self in order to protect my place in “the world” was not an easy one to come to. It’s not like it’s easy to admit to yourself that you aren’t immune to the shallowest impulses of human behavior and connection. It’s so much easier to continue pretending that you enjoy the presence of everyone around you, that you like all the things they do and make and say. It’s easy to accept someone as being interesting and smart because everyone says they are and because they are right there looking at you, talking to you. And so it’s then very easy to assume that you are also smart and interesting, because they are, or at least everyone says they are. And if questioning someone's merit also questions yours? Well it’s just easier to not. It’s easy because it feels good to be liked, it feels good to be liked by people who other people like. It feels good to receive admiration for simply ‘being’. But just because something is easy doesn’t mean it’s right. And just because something feels good doesn’t mean it’s good for you. And this is where a little touch of misanthropy comes in to save the day. And not like, hate for mankind! Just an acceptance of your own moral failings, and those of the people around you. It’s weird because as soon as I took myself out of the center of the dissatisfactions of my life, only then was I finally able to honestly relate to everyone. It’s like… We are all equal to each other in our inadequacies, but then different in what we do about it. So, once you’ve come to the realization that you might suck and that the people around you might suck, and that both of these things lend themselves to making the entirety of your life suck, you can take action!

@blu-hunt

Oct 13, 2022

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withholding judgment

Two days ago while in a daunting line at an airport, I heard one silver-haired man say to another about Hurricane Helene that just devastated parts of the US: "When the hurricane came off the gulf it hadn't picked up any water, but somehow it rained over sixteen inches." "You know they can control the weather now. You've never heard of weather manipulation?" "Their target was Spruce Pine in North Carolina. Every single computer chip in the world has a crystal that comes from there." "They are trying to control things politically because of the election." "You heard about what they did with the wildfires in Hawaii using the lasers from space?" -- Okay, confession: my first impulse is that I wanted to text someone or post somewhere about the wacky conversation I'd just overheard: about how people are so gullible or, more generously, isn't it crazy how we can so easily find ourselves in these narrow algorithmic internet bubbles that keep us in a perpetual rabbit hole reality. But instead, I remained curious. Not necessarily curious about the content of what this guy was saying, though it turns out that some of his facts may have been on target, even if his conclusions seem way off base—the thing about chip manufacturing and Spruce Pine, for instance, was widely reported. But I held curiosity instead about him as a person and about me and about all of us. I wondered: how did he get there with these beliefs? Has it impacted his life and relationships? What are holiday conversations like for his family? And what about me: surely there are absolute certainties that I'm believing right now that may turn out later to have been wrong — am I holding those in a way now that invites feedback and conversation or am I doubling down and become narrower and less approachable? And also about all of us: we are all wrong about some things. If we weren't, there'd never be any space for learning and growth. So knowing that, about me and about you, how can we live in a way that both honors our current state while keeping a posture of teachability?

@mattshawsome

Oct 8, 2024

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anti-rec / pet peeve — Mind reading

It really cheeses me off when people think they know what others are thinking or what makes them tick or what their motivations are for something. Recently heard someone say, "Oh the whole reason 'Brad' did good at [this thing] is because he got social validation from his success." And I said, "Oh really, did Brad tell you that?" And of course the answer was no, Brad never said that. It was just a great big assumption about Brad's motives—and a negative assumption at that. You contain multitudes. I contain multitudes. We contain multitudes. We are right now the living, breathing, growing sum of a trillion different factors. It is far more interesting and fulfilling to be curious and ask and be surprised than to project our narrow, limited assumptions on others. (apparently this is a bit of a theme for me today since I already posted about it in another form) And if you find yourself mind reading and assuming and putting others in a box, then you know what, no worries! Me too sometimes. But let's not stay there.

@mattshawsome

Oct 19, 2024

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a love letter to the orion

Orion and I share a bond unlike any other constellation—a quiet understanding woven through the years, a celestial companion who has watched me grow I first met Orion at summer camp, lying on a hammock beneath the starry sky. I didn’t know its name then, I was only stargazing, thinking about the vastness of the cosmos. but something about those three stars, perfectly aligned, lingered in my mind then it followed me home. night after night, I found it outside my bedroom window, hovering above my bed, where I laid my head to rest. it became part of my ritual—before sleep, I’d wave to Orion like an old friend, and then we kissed each other goodnight. even when the it was cloudy, I still searched for it, hoping for a flicker of Betelgeuse to break through the darkness I even got it tattooed on me. now etched into me like a compass pointing to my past. it’s a reminder of where I’ve been, of late-night whispers to the sky, of restless dreams and youthful longing. a constellation turned talisman, marking the distance I have traveled maybe one day, in a place far from home, another constellation will find me. perphaps I will create a new bond, and it will guide me in ways Orion once did for now I’m still here, patiently waiting for senior year to end and waiting for a new chapter of my life to begin, and most likely there will be a new constellation to guide me throughout my journey…

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