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People often ask me for relationship advice because I have an unhinged Twitter account that documents my romantic pitfalls. I find it to be pretty disconcerting considering I am an emotional monster and a loser in the sack, but for some reason, cute college girls still come knocking. I have a compulsive need to share everything I’m thinking to anyone who will listen, but I’ve never gone into explicit detail about my last relationship partly because I really respect my ex, and partly because I still don’t know what to make of it. I cheated on him. It was awful. I promised myself I’d never be unfaithful again because I know no greater pain than hurting the person you love. My last ex is the only person I’ve ever broken up with, and it took me forever to do it. First, we went on a break. Then, we got back together. Then he proposed. I didn’t say no but I didn’t say yes either. It took three months to fully break up, and it was only until I read this article that I was able to muster the courage to do the damn thing. I loved my ex with all my heart - in ways I still love him - and it was so hard to part ways because he hadn’t done anything “wrong.” He was impossibly dedicated to me. Impossibly kind, impossibly smart, impossibly loving. But I knew things weren’t working. I knew I wanted more. Anyway, this article says it better than I can. Bottom line: If there is a “tiny clear voice” inside you that is saying “GO”, you must listen to it.
Sep 21, 2021
Related Recs
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This time 4 years ago, I was reeling from the most embarrassingly heinous situationship that’s ever befallen anyone I know (lol this guy is perhaps a story for another time). Now I’m 2 years into living with the love of my life, thinking that I was too broken to ever get close to a human being again
Some of the (many) things that worked for me:
- Taking an extended period away from dating, far longer than I had thought. In a fucked up way, I think Covid saved my life since I functionally had no way to get back out there for 6+ months (I’m not counting those weird FaceTime dates). Even if you think you’re ready, it’s possible you could still benefit from time outside the cesspool just working on yourself and investing in friendships/hobbies/your career/learning new stuff/whatever.
- On a related note, therapy was very needed!
- Start a new, group hobby where you’ll see the same people each week. Not that you’ll forcibly end up dating someone you meet there, but an expanded circle often brings good into your life and it’s exciting to have something new in your life that isn’t tied to success on a dating app.
- Not to be that person since I always hated when people said this to me when I was single, but it always happens when you least expect it. All of the above contributes to a new you who isn’t yearning for it above all else. People are drawn to others who seem to be thriving without them and I promise you you’ll attract much higher quality people when you project this attitude (my own prospects were night and day since I was content in my own life and saw someone as additive not just looking for love/acceptance/contact from whoever could provide it).
Those are the things that came to me initially, but will keep noodling. Rooting for you ❤️
Apr 1, 2024
A few days ago, I unexpectedly ran into my ex-boyfriend, with whom I ended things two years ago. It was an unusual encounter, as we always seem to cross paths at significant moments, as if the universe is at play. The last time we crossed paths was on New Year’s Eve, just minutes before midnight, which left us feeling awkward. This time, it happened on his birthday, which felt almost deliberate, especially since I had just been thinking about whether or not I should send him a message. But when is the right time to leave people in the past?
There’s something uncanny about bumping into someone from your past – a topic that doesn’t get discussed often enough. We all have someone who once played a crucial role in our lives — a partner, a best friend — people who, for one reason or another, have drifted away. Yet, at the same time, these people continue to influence who we are today. They serve as a small reminder of what no longer fits, while the core of who they are remains the same. It often feels as if you last saw them only yesterday, even though life has continued to move forward. You give each other a brief update on your lives, occasionally exchanging smiles, with a hint of awkwardness lingering now and then.
After this unexpected encounter, I shared the experience with my current partner, who gave me a gentle hug of understanding, without finding the situation odd. It felt right to express how I felt about it — that it was both strange and familiar, that we had taken the time to catch up, but that there was nothing more to it than that fleeting moment. Knowing that the person I’m with now understands where I'm coming from gives me confidence that I’m in the right place, that I can feel safe enough to share my past as we focus on building our future together.
After all, love is love, even if some parts of it linger in the past. Realizing that time isn't always linear allows us to see how certain things continue to resonate in the present – memories that aren’t confined to the past but extend into the future, shaped by the choices we make and the people we choose to share our lives with. After a while, you feel a sense of peace, knowing that all the moments were valuable or instructive.
There is something both beautiful and confusing about encountering people from our past — a fleeting moment that seems to pass in the blink of an eye before it fades away. It’s the recognition of each other’s lives, of who we once were and who we still are, while finding happiness with someone new and genuinely celebrating each other’s growth.
As we hugged goodbye, I couldn’t help but reflect on how right he had been back then — that I would eventually find someone I truly deserved, someone better suited for me, and that he would too. It signifies that we have brought so much good into each other’s lives and are now able to move forward with who we’ve become.
Aug 26, 2024
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i’ve spent most of my life searching for romantic love and thinking something was wrong with me because i never got it. i prayed even though i’m not religious, i had a box filled with manifestations of the “perfect” guy under my pillow, i tried to go after guys i knew were meh because i thought u could make the love blossom, i did honey jar spells, i changed the way i looked, the way i spoke, my interests, i did EVERYTHING. this all resulted in a slew of horrendous situationships that tore down my self-esteem. after these, i definitely worked on myself and became much more confident and sure of myself, but still thought that a relationship would be the thing to make me truly happy. at 20, i had my first real boyfriend and he was “perfect”, or at least everything i thought i had ever wanted. he was attractive, tried to pay for everything, planned the most thoughtful dates, went out of his way to see me, was incredibly intelligent, kind, loyal, hardworking, took care of me when i was sick, and even respected the fact that i’m entirely celibate (like what 20 y/o guy is ok w that??). i ended up breaking up with him after a few months because i realized that a relationship was not what i actually wanted or needed, it was just what i thought about 24/7. not saying this is you, but the steps i took after our breakup might help with your situation. diversify and expand your sources of happiness/love as no one source will make you feel truly fulfilled. i started by doing 4 things: something that expanded my mind, something that earned me money, something that fulfilled me creatively, and something that fed me spiritually. for me this was college classes, a job at a restaurant, painting, hanging out with the people that i love more often, and joining a bunch of clubs at my school. i think our society places so much emphasis on romantic love, but other types, especially the love i receive from my friends has been the most unconditional and satiating. lastly, (again not saying this is you, it’s just a common reality) expecting one person to satisfy all of your need for love is not only dangerous for you (if they leave, you’ll be crushed) but also unfair to them. maybe i‘m just yapping to yap, but i hope this was helpful.
Jan 1, 2025
Top Recs from @annie-hamilton
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Vampire Weekend is the best band of all time. I exclusively listen to Edith Piaf, the Newsies Soundtrack, and Vampire Weekend. But mostly Vampire Weekend. I play that shit on repeat all day long. I wake up and listen to “Horchata” for about an hour, then I move on to the song “Step” and then for the rest of the day, walking around New York, I listen to their album “Father of the Bride.” I fell in love for the first time to the sounds of Vampire Weekend, and so I just don’t see the point in listening to anything else. I’ve never had sex to Vampire Weekend but my next boyfriend will love doing that, I just know it. VW’s music lifts me up and shoves me down and makes me nostalgic for things I have and haven’t had. Their music works well in every country. I feel like life is big and beautiful and that I’m absolutely unstoppable when “I Stand Corrected” is blasting. People like to say I have terrible taste in music but I disagree. Also, there is nothing ironic about my praise here. I love Vampire Weekend. I hope one day I become semi-famous so that they will have no choice but to play at my wedding.
Sep 21, 2021
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I smoke a lot of cigarettes. It is what it is. I smoke a pack and a half a day, which is scary, but is also kind of cool. In NYC, that’s a lot of moolah so I had to do a lot of searching to find the folks who sell cigs for cheap. The deli on Catherine street in Chinatown sells packs for ten dollars a pop. I thought about giving the full name and address away, but I also live in fear of their prices spiking so instead I will just tell you it’s near Madison and is certainly on Catherine. Goodluck.
Sep 21, 2021
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My favorite place. My own little Oasis. The beautiful women. The leisure and the partying. I don’t know. I’ve been to Norway over eight times and the only thing I know how to say in Norwegian is, “I AM A JEW!” which I think works just fine. Oslo is beautiful and small enough to conquer in two weeks. By conquer I mean make yourself known. I like being a big fish in a small pond, I guess. My Oslo Picks:⁃Smalhans (delicious food)⁃Cemetery of Our Savior (I had sex here in the dead of night once and then broke my ankle by stomping on Munch’s grave)⁃Gapet (across from the graveyard and a really nice place to get drunk)⁃Izakaya (perfect date spot)⁃Litteraturhuset (great place to read and write)⁃Fretex (vintage chain that locals probably hate but that I always find good stuff in)⁃The Vigeland Park (incredible) (that said any and all of the parks in Oslo in the summertime are DREAMS)Favorite Norwegian People:⁃Kristoffer Borgli: the only living genius⁃August Bror’s clothes⁃IBSEN⁃Eirik Saether’s art⁃Joachim Trier’s movies
Sep 21, 2021