Whatever life you envisioned for yourself, your 20s are when you find out if it’s viable—or what you really want. Money and time matter way more (in my experience), and your friends live further away. You get to do whatever you want, which is amazing and awful.
Expect to hear about peers working their dream jobs while living in inhumane conditions, discovering lifelong passions and quitting their ambitions, and re-making all the choices that seemed permanent at the time. Maybe by 35-40 you can expect consistency, but in the next twenty years your peers will go through a lot and change even more.
Just remember that only having a kid and back issues are forever. When in doubt, find a mentor or a role model. Focus on the present if you can, and journal if you can find the time—it helps.
Leaving you w/ this pic of sand—a symbol of the passage of time which is most beautiful when observed closely.
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My 20s has been spent on developing myself as a grown kid outta high school becoming a young independent adult, turning 20 doesn’t have to mean that a perfect life should be sorted out for you. It means that you have more independence and capacity to forge your own life, at your own pace, even if it will take until your 30s. After all, we’re all forms of ephemeral art
Apr 27, 2024
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I’m about to turn 30 and idk if my 21 year old self would approve of where I’m at—but my 6 year old self sure as hell would!! I think a lot of life is finding your way back to Little You.
Being 21 is so so hard, and in college you’re first starting to see that you can’t judge your progress based on other people. Even though that’s how you were taught to judge yourself up until this point. The things you want now probably won’t matter to you in a few years, and for me that would have sounded terrifying at 21. But that doesn’t mean the things you want now aren’t important.
You can think of it in terms of tattoos. If you get a tattoo at 16 it’s not because you know it will represent you always and forever—it’s to commemorate a moment, a feeling of boldness you wanted to wear proudly. And down the line you don’t look at it with regret, but a softness for that younger part of you. Feel your feelings fully in this moment! Be bold with what you care about! Every age is special.
Practical advice:
Try to listen to your body and not your head. Do I actually like how I feel spending time with this person? Am I going through the motions of this hobby because I think it will service something else? Does xyz come naturally to me, or does it feel forced? No action needed. This exercise isn’t about flipping your life upside down, just take notice of how your body feels in certain situations. Start to notice when you’re in fight or flight versus happy and free. Find the ease and follow it
Jan 25, 2025
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I’m on the wrong side of 33 and i can tell you with utmost certainty that your 20s is the most chaotic time of your life and it’s amazing that anyone actually gets anything done during them. If you’re a type a planning type personality however I would recommend:
- if you’re the sort of person who cares about diet and fitness, establish those routines in your 20s
- live where you wanna live. Don’t live somewhere you hate because you think you’ll have more fun later cos you won’t
- get a job that makes reliable money that you can tolerate and go back to if your dreams fall through. It doesn’t have to be a dream job it just has to pay the rent and not make you sad
- don't smoke cigarettes
- use sunscreen
- be as cringe as you want. People expect it from you anyway. They won’t have as much patience in your 30s.
Nov 25, 2024
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From the Atlantic: ”There is no statistical record of any other period in U.S. history when people have spent more time on their own.”
I don’t know anything about you—how funny is that? I couldn’t even begin to guess what your life looks like. I couldn’t spot you in a crowd. If I were a friend, I’m sure I could give better advice. Perhaps suggest joining a local group I know of, or a class at the gym that always puts me in a good mood. Perhaps introduce you to someone I’ve always thought you’d get along with.
The beautiful thing about the internet is that you can ask this question to the void and the void speaks back. It’s so much easier this way, but so much worse.
Geography, family, shared interests, shared labor. Community used to be inescapable. We still depend on each other for everything, but we do it all at a distance. I’ll chat for an hour with a friend across the country, but I know nothing about the people across the street. It’s a selling point if the grocer can name the farmer who grew your food. I could have been writing this to send to a distant family member, who I want to reconnect with, or an old friend—instead I’m writing to you, a stranger. It’s easier. Our community ties have been broken.
So: what do you, an individual, do? You may find more success if you develop individual friendships tied to a place—several articles about the loneliness epidemic talk about the gym—or a group that meets regularly. Apparently, the best way to beak down peoples’ walls is just to see them constantly. This is true for new friends and for deepening relationships. For those friends and acquaintances you’d like to be closer to, keep inviting them to shit. Set your boundaries, but keep trying. The thing about people is that everybody is interesting and confusing and stupid and wise and mean and wonderful—but it’s safer to spill all that on the internet, where no one can spot you in a crowd. Let people know that you’re around and interested no matter what, and see what happens. It will take a long time, but it’ll be worth it. Not just for you, but for them. For everyone, if we all put the effort in.
I’m sorry—it shouldn’t be this way. But we have to try. We’re all counting on each other <3
Apr 23, 2024
This morning I brought my car to the mechanic first thing. Didn’t have anywhere to be for the rest of the day, so challenged myself to enjoy a slow walk home—could have been 40 min, ultimately took 4 hours.
I stopped to smell my neighbors‘ flowers, to buy a new pencil at the art store, and to read in a park for a while (big shoutout to the Libby app and city parks). I‘ve been talking to a therapist about how I wake up every morning worried about whatever I have scheduled, and tend to ruminate on failures towards the end of the day. Today I didn’t dwell on the future or the past, just lived in the present.
10/10 experience.
May 10, 2024
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Life is fucking confusing, and every want comes with a doubt.
As far as I can tell, your 20s (I’m 27) are about cobbling together a life while wondering if you should blow it all up. And then someday, hopefully, you fall in love with yourself (or something) and that love becomes a foundation for everything else.
I know people who have built things up and torn them down, people who have made irrevocable choices, people who are coasting. I want all of their lives, sometimes, because I’m sick of the choices I made. I think that’s just fear of commitment, and not taking good care of myself—but who knows, maybe I’m about to make some choices for the plot.
The people who seem to have it all figured out may be crumbling beneath the surface (me irl). The ones I trust the most know how to look around and say “there but for the grace of god go I.” You‘re never too old to let whatever you’ve been collecting slip through your fingers and choose again.
Jul 11, 2024