truly nothing has altered my life in the way romantic love has. I was always so afraid of vulnerability and touch but once you start and even fail, you grow so much. Honestly, the trials of it are the most revealing. It seems so so scary but it is worth it always. And you both have to start from somewhere!! You are lucky that you’re friends and can hopefully work on communicating what you both are feeling in this moment as well.
Maybe it does come a lonely place, but imagine if you healed that loneliness? Or even got an inch closer to understanding how to fill that void?
The relationship may not be forever. This is true of any relationship. Have you had a turbulent friendship so far? If there are situations where this person tried to purposefully hurt your feelings, I’d reconsider. Otherwise, if you’re honest and communicative along the way, I think you could maintain that stability with them. I’d find ways to keep your sanity as well (journaling, going on walks, talking with [other] friends), as someone who has felt “crazy” in love
It’s hard to change and allow change into your life. But how will you know what life could be like if you don’t try? It’s hard to force yourself to do it. I’m such a worrier; I even started writing fears and desires down about the slightest changes, only to look back days later even to see that they’re resolved and petty. Change can hurt you and scare you and make you look back at your past self and wonder how that was your life before these moments, but it is always worth trying something different, seeing your life in a different light.
One of my favorite quotes is from “Giovanni’s Room” by James Baldwin:“Somebody….your father or mine, should have told us that not many people have ever died of love. But multitudes have perished, and are perishing every hour--and in the oddest places!-- for the lack of it.”
This is all very lovey-dovey but I really think it’s worth seeing if it works, openly communicating with this person, and letting the change pass over you!
Related Recs
now i am a very lucky person because i am in love with some who was once one of my best friends. (sadly this rec probably isn’t universally applicable but contains good lessons i hope!) i’d met him during the first week of freshman year of college, and we immediately became close. hung out a ton and related on a lot of issues/values but our interactions were always platonic.
by wintertime we were being seen together around campus a ton, to the point that our acquaintances started asking whether we were a couple. we’d laugh at the idea, even joking about it ourselves. oh how oblivious we were.
spring rolled around and i suddenly caught feelings. for a couple weeks i tried to convince myself i didn’t like him because i was so afraid of losing our beautiful friendship. i thought it impossible that he would feel the same as me. yes, pretty torturous!! alas, my Emotional Suppression didn’t work. thank god, because one night when we were hanging out in my room he finally kissed me. i had been so afraid but instantly i knew it was right. the risk was worth it.
we’ve now been together for almost two years and he is truly the love of my life. he is the best risk I’ve ever taken. yes this is so platitudinous, but sometimes love comes when you least expect it and appears in odd places!
more generally, i think
- looking for people whose values align with yours is a wonderful place to start establishing intimate and long-lasting relationships, both platonic and romantic.
- it’s never worthwhile to force something to work out if your gut tells you it’s wrong — you’re worth more than that. love doesn’t thrive when it’s fed by obligation and pressure.
- don’t be afraid to present yourself in your full authenticity to others. if someone else has a problem with You in your Grandest Expression, they’re not worth your energy. love is meant to affirm and expand who you are, not place boundaries on it.
- go on self dates and explore what it means to have a loving relationship with yourself! you, as a singular self, are already whole and enough without having a partner. you are complete as a baseline regardless of your relationship status; a partner is meant to complement and embrace this wholeness!!
love is ridiculous and hard and beautiful; trust it when you feel it!!
Nov 10, 2024
⛏️
On one hand: it just flows. You can't get enough of them. Your eyes, their eyes—could be the only thing that matters in the whole world. Their voice hits you like electricity. When alone, you wonder why you aren't with them. Mundane things, at their side, become adventures. You occupy your own universe that is a secret from all others.
And on the other hand: it is a labor. Your beloved, who stirs and ignites your affection so much, is also the one who most exposes your pride and weaknesses. As you dive into them and truly know them, you discover they are broken and selfish and human. And they discover that about you. The easy slide down the snowy hill of excitement becomes a long drag back up the other side.
But then the two of you put those parts together: combine the thrill and the sparkle with the messiness and the suffering. Your together love becomes something deeper and more enduring. You say: I see you fully but I choose you still, with all my heart and soul.
It becomes something that will withstand any storms that may come, something more mature and tested:
"Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction." —Antoine de Saint-Exupery:
Mar 1, 2025
🤍
love is beautiful. love is pure. love is enduring.
i’m not sure if my standards for love are too high, but i worry i don’t mean it. i’d change my character, overcome weaknesses for those i say it to, yet it never feels like enough. i want to embrace someone not only through touch, but through the warmth of my actions and presence.
love knows no bounds. i want to break every single wall a person can put up. still, i know there are limits to love. love is undefined—it is not a singular, universal concept for every person. i fear i can never truly portray my love for another without everything crashing down, whether due to the walls we’ve built to shield ourselves from the world or to passing circumstances.
maybe i’m not concerned about my feelings for others. maybe the words “i love you” don’t quite serve me justice. still, from this new perspective, it’s an affectionate, enkindling acknowledgement to give another—akin to kissing your loved one on the cheek each morning before leaving for work.
love: a word that can be used for anyone, whether platonically or romantically. we really should say these words shamelessly to those around us every day. it’s a marvel to think over what true love means to you and how it can vary from person to person. i think this is what makes it beautiful.
your idea of love will fit into another’s idea of love. i hope everyone who reads this is lucky enough to find that person they mesh together with.^^
3d ago
Top Recs from @evie
Convinced that this is the holy grail of friendship at any age. cooking, making art, cleaning, anything side-by-side: it’s the best way!
Aug 23, 2024
Jan 14, 2025